☇  alexis.

i am so disappointed in myself yk

ok now that i reread that it lowkey sounds like a gay joke but it isnt i promise

my hair is going everywhere tf you were straight like ten seconds ago

tbfh dora was a great show for children like tf happened

uuuu dont you just love having trust issues

im visiting family in california and i finally can smoke legally fuck yeah boi

i keep sleeping through christmas wtf

ugh i miss california

honestly ive been kinda depressed since jonghyuns death but i think its better to not sleep in bed all day thinking of how he isnt here anymore and instead enjoy life, he wouldve wanted everyone to do that.

ok fuck it i was trying not to rant about this but i really need to. jonghyun was important to me, my first bias of my first group. i remember seeing his smile and instantly feeling my lips curl up, i didnt know why but it felt so great. whenever he laughed, id laugh. a lot of my friends think im overreacting saying "idols die, people die, calm down alexis" but this just really fucking hurts to me and i still cant process the fact hes really gone. jonghyun was a literal angel to me, i was able to find happiness from him while i was in hard times. i dont know if this is a suicide or not, i dont have the nurves to click on the videos or read the news articles, but whatever it is he didnt deserve it. jonghyun didnt deserve to feel depressed if he did, and for some reason i feel like a failure for not realizing it at some point. i love you so much jonghyun, thank you for existing in this world and making mine and many others lives happier. thank you for being a fighter, my angel. may you rest in everlasting peace.