ძ᥆ᥣᥣі

Are you okay? Have you been eating healthy? I'm kinda worried.

Today has been a very bad day. Just moments ago I was body shamed by my step sister, when I confronted her about it, she said " it's not the end of the world calm down. I only body shamed you once" and my older sister, who had also body shamed me, just laughs. They both laugh, acting like I was stupid or something. So I also laugh. I tell my step sister that I hate her as a joke but I'm actually just pissed off and sad at the fact that they would just sit there and laugh. I have been working and fasting for 2 weeks, I'm trying very hard to lose weight. They both know that. I want to go home with my mom. I really do so I can get away from these mean and negative people. I want to call my mom and tell her what happened but I know that she will just start an argument with my dad and cuss my step mother out who had nothing to do with the problem. I really want to go my mom's house. I can't stay here anymore. If I have to stay in this house for another week I fucking swear I will just kill myself. If I tell my dad, he's only going to let my step sister off with a warning bc it's pretty obvious that he favours her more than any of his biological children.  I want to tell someone so fucking bad but I know something bad will happen so im venting here

Hey, you alive? 

Ok, now I'm feeling a bit too sad (Tʖ̯T)
          
          First of all, I'm sick. My nose is runny/stocked up. My throat is itchy. And, my head is continuously hurting. And then, I was texting my therapist (bc I'm sick) my recent problems and was joking around on how I want do die. She was asking me questions, like "did someone do anything to you? " " are you having suicidal thoughts, again? " I answered yes for the second question bc I was. Then she asked "do you think that the medicine the doctors have prescribed to you are helping? " I answered no. (I don't know if I had told anyone but the reason why I have to take medicine now and why I'm going to therapy is bc I tried to commit suicide again lol) and then I continued to vent about my problems. After that, she was asking about what will I do in the future. I was like super confused on why she asked that so I sent question marks. Then she sent this "where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? " I responded with "dead, I hope lol" her text to that "you really don't want to go out and explore the world? You'll be 18 then. Are you sure? " I was positive bc life is pretty shitty rn now.  I didn't say that to her instead I said "yes, I am sure. " her response: "y know what? I quit. Nothing seems to be helping you. Honestly, just kys love. " and then she just stopped responding. I was trying to text her over and over again to see if she was lying, even tried calling her. But she blocked me. Soo. I lost my therapist. That's why I'm sad. This happened like an you're ago. 

thank you for the votes :))

I know that I had recently told someone not to think bad of themselves or something like that but I just can't do it myself
          I hate everything. I hate myself. I have everything I wear or do. I hate my face, my body, my hair, the way it looks, the way it's not like everyone else's. I just hate it. I tried to stay positive but I can't. People are adding more and more stress I just can't handle it. Negative things come to me and they never leave. I'm always arguing with my siblings and they always make it seem like I'm the bad guy. I'm starting to think that I am. I'm sorry. I don't want to do this anymore. I hate pretending to stay happy, I hate telling people to think positive, saying that "thinking positive helps me a lot" it doesn't. It just makes me feel worse. I'm sorry for lying to you.. I didn't mean it. I really hope that you feel okay and that things turn out okay. I blame myself for everything that has happened in my life. I hate myself so much that I feel bad for my parents for not aborting me or something. I'm sorry for my siblings cause they have to deal with me. This year, it was hectic for me. I think it was hectic for everyone. I'm sorry for the people who had to go through this. But, I've tried to stop it. I tried to stop harming my self at least for this year. I couldn't help it. I hate lying, please I'm sorry. Everything is so confusing rn. I don't even know what I'm writing.i want to end it all. But I can't. School, family, pressure and Everything has been bothering me.I hate how only the social media can make me smile and not my family. That's disappointing. I didn't know I was going to end up like this. I just couldn't do it anymore.  Sorry if this was confusing, this is just how I feel. Sorry if you guys are uncomfortable. 

Thanks for voting on my book sweetheart ❤️

Tysm for the votes<33

Wanna be friends?