this message may be offensive
I've generally just given up on trying to be the perfect child, on trying to be the perfect friend, on trying to be the perfect person. Because no matter what I do it isn't good enough. Nothing I do will ever make someone happy. No matter how many times someone tells me I am enough, deep down I know they know I'm not. I struggle to get up in the morning and get dressed for school. I struggle to eat my food everyday because I feel as though if I don't keep up with my weight I'm going to be shamed for it. I feel selfish about making things about myself and when I do end up letting all of those feelings out people say I do it for attention. People say that it's all in my head. When I make things about me, I'm broken down into pieces by my friends or my family. When I make things about me, I'm a terrible person. But when someone makes it about themselves it's okay? It's fine because they have things they are going through? Well, so do I. I struggle to fake a smile for the ones I love because I don't want them thinking something is wrong with me. But, when I'm not smiling. When I just want to escape the world. When I just want to be left alone. It's always me having an attitude or being rude. But, they never asked of I was okay. They never asked if I needed help. They just sat back and watched as I cried and hyperventilated and broke down until I stopped. They sat back and watched me go into the bathroom and tell myself that I'm not good enough. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of them. I'm tired of me. I'm tired of the world. I get it, most things aren't fair. But, you can at least sit back and pretend like you care about me. You can at least asked me if I need help or if I need space. You can at least tell me it's okay and that it gets better. But no, you choose to tell me to suck it up and deal with it. Well, I can't suck it up and deal with it. One day I'm just going to disappear and everyone will finally feel sorry.
