Han

I'm so so so so damn tired
          I want to crryyy
          It's ok...hehe

Heyo
          
          How do you feel about a story on my take of the Ditto M/V?

This is crazy 
          In Bbangsaz 'If I'm S can you be my N?' is 17, then 'Supernatural' is 18 and then 'A sweetheart's cyanide' is 19. And also, somehow 'Metro' ranked 14. That's craazzyyy.

I'm contemplating...should I delete this account or not..?
          Ah, I'm so indecisive 
          What do you think?

So...
          
          I'm going to delete this account (I don't know when, but sometime soon), I'm really tired, I've been struggling a lot. I'll just publish everything in my drafts again so if you'd like to read any of it, it's there.
          
          I'm really sorry for the inconvenience
          If you still want to keep in touch, my Instagram is hanaerin_15
          
          Thank you for making my time here such a memorable experience, I won't forget it
          
          I wish you all the best
          
          Bye
          
          - Hanaerin15

Hi, just some updates
          
          I made a few changes to polaroid and re uploaded it last night
          
          I don't think I will be continuing to write (at least for now). If you've followed me for a while now, you'd probably get the gist of why I say that with from my dramatic announcements (I deeply apologise for those by the way), but I'll just clarify it: I'm silently trying to not let my depression consume me and while I used to genuinely like writing, I just feel empty now. And I'm also approaching my second year of senior high so life is definitely picking up the pace. 
          
          Thank you for your support and understanding, and I greatly appreciate you dealing with my idiocy.
          
          Until I write again
          
          -Hanaerin15

You would often talk about the stars, saying they were watching over us and protecting us. It was a simple comment, but now, sitting on my bed and looking out the window, I wonder which star you became Hanni. Are you watching over me and protecting me now? why did you need to become a star and protect me from a distance? I long to hug you, tell you I'm here for you and that it'll be ok. We promised, we promised we'll be friends forever. It was a foolish childhood promise, but I know we both meant it. So why Hanni? Why did you have to become a star so soon and break your promise?
          
          You loved it when I played guitar for you. But now the instrument is just sitting there in the corner of my room, collecting dust, reflecting how I fear my memory of you will become. Every string I strum only reminds me of how you used to lean against me as I played, your eyes closed with a soft smile on your face. I remember how you'd seem hesitant to walk in the front door when I dropped you off on my way home, how you'd cling to me. Why didn't I notice it sooner?  
          
          Sometimes I re-read the letter you left for me. You repeated so many times that I shouldn't blame myself, but how can I not? I was too blind towards your struggles, not picking up the signals you gave me. It didn't have to end this way, and I wish it never did. Sometimes I find myself wondering whether we'd ever be able to reunite in our next life. Would you also be wearing the red ribbon in your hair then?
          
          Just random paragraphs, I don't know whether I'll actually do anything with them though. What do you think?

I didn't know you were struggling so much, I was too blind to see the subtle cries for help in your words and actions. I was your best friend Hanni, yet I failed to know everything about you. I don't want to forget you, yet I also want to. "Minji, the sky is so blue today!" you'd exclaim as we walked to school, you could pick out the most random yet beautiful things in life, I would've never known what you were hiding. Hanni, you're my angel, someone who has left a big impact on my life, but someone whose memory struggles to live on.
          
          I still stop by your house everyday to pick you up on the way to school, as though you'd burst through those doors any moment, running into my arms and recounting a funny moment from the mere few hours we were separated. But now there is no you running through that white washed door, no warmth as you hug me, no laughter. It's just me and this stupid ribbon. Haerin and Danielle are grieving too, I can't believe you thought nobody would care about your absence Hanni. Haerin and Danielle try their best to cheer me up, despite their own pain. It's not the same without you Hanni. Haerin doesn't smile anymore, you were the one who brought that introvert out of her shell, Danielle, the epitome of the sun personified isn't as bright anymore. And me? I'm still clinging onto this ribbon.
          
          Late nights are spent reading the diary that was beside you on that fateful day. Page after page of your unspoken pain. People say the brightest smiles hide the most pain, the most beautiful eyes have cried the most. I loved your warm smile, I loved your gentle eyes, but I should've known that those sayings weren't a myth, because it was unfolding right in front of me, through you.

Hi, I'm alive
          I'm sorry, my emotions were acting up. Rest assured I'm not going to be taking my life or anything, I've had that desire for a long time but hey, I'm still here. 
          
          I can't be someone's world if my own is shattered, so I'll be remaining inactive. I'll republish 'Metro' and 'My Lawyer' though.
          
          Thank you for your support and I'm sorry for the inconvenience. 
          
          Until I write again
          - Hanaerin15

Before it's too late
          Before I'm gone
          I wanted to say thank you and I love you
          I might be able to sleep...finally
          Bye bye