michelle_kirsti
You have a good story and I love where it's going! But the chapters are so short. Lol, (this is only constructive criticism so please don't hate me or anything) you need more descriptions. Like describe whats going on, your surroundings, how they feel. Don't just jump into the next part of the story without giving your reading something to imagine! But all in all, a good start to your first book!
Check out this story and gain some inspiration from it: http://www.wattpad.com/story/21874367-a-kairotic-moment
