@Hans_quokka143 Hi, so I read the first chapter of your story, and here some brutally honest opinions and some constructive criticism
Things u could do better:
1) there was a bit of confusion between 1st and 3rd person narration throughout the chapter so you should fix that a little
2) the dialog must be between "..." when direct which is the case in this story. So you should add the "..."
3) some passages are a little bit rushed like Minho's background. Maybe you should reveal the information about him more gradually through the story.
4) this is more of a personal preference so don't really count this as a point u should change, but I find the idea of a pushover, weak, bullied boy a bit cliché. So if I were you, in order to spice things up a little I would give Jisung some dope ass personally or like quick wit n sarcasm to give depth to his character. Maybe you can present him as "weak" in the beginning and build him up as a character idk.
Things I liked :
1) the overall idea is actually good. I obviously don't know where you're going with this plot yet but I see potential. Just don't fall into the cliché or the classic Wattpad story that's overdone
2) I liked the idea of minho being a closeted music nerd a lot, maybe Jisung is also into music and they bond over that(?)
3) I like the idea of rich boy Jisung hahaha.
Overall I think the story has a lot of potential. The plot is obviously all up to you, let's see what you'll do with it. I'm curious now. I do hope you take my advice on the more technical part tho.
