Hey guys. would you enjoy reading my personal writing?
here’s an excerpt from a self-spiral piece about religious trauma :
my arbitrary loneliness is often a huge veil made of black satin, encasing me whole and suffocating me with enough space to breathe every once in awhile. but is it really breathing or just short, sputtering breaths in which i have found reclusiveness? why is it that fragile glass happens to have the utmost negative consequences? dare you hold on too tight, it will shatter. dare you let it go, it will cease to exist. there is no happy medium. such as my own willingness of existing. there is none a world in which that will override the exhaustion of nothingness. again, we come back to arbitration. it is reasonable. for if jesus was there, why have those of black tainted hearts come my way? religion is a crime against myself. for why would i believe in a man who sees all when he sees none? “but it’s good to have hope! he will save you!” has he saved me now? am i too far gone even such an entity in which we truly know no intentions of, refuses to aid me? maybe i shall cease to exist and find this man you all speak of for only a man will harbor such intimidation, judgment and pride. judgment which all of you mindlessly heed, not being able to sit in the reality that other’s lives are lived for their own and not for others. why is it sin to exist as i am but not sin for that man, in that warm june night, to have watched me bleed, cackling in depths indescribable to human perception? dare you have no answer? that is expected, as you will scream and cry out at such volumes that it is not capable of human perception when your reality is torn from you. it is human nature.
