"Recommended to follow by 4 out of 5 people that recommend things."- New York Times

"So take a chonce and follow ur dreams. This account is ur dreams"- Nail Hoeruns

"I always feel bad for seedless watermelons because what if they wanted babies"- Horton Styles (aka PussyDestroyer2000)

"If u or a loved one have been diagnosed with the obsession of the mariachi band Juan Detection u may be entitled to compensation"- ObamaCare

"sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener"- my stepfather

"fight me u ceramic bitch"- Dan Howell talking to a plate