𝘩 ª𝘻𝘻𝘺

Who tf reported me to Wattpad??? Fess up y’all

Happy birthday to my precious fine line. 
          
          I want to say that I think I am starting to actually heal. This song literally saved me from the darkest times of my life and I will forever be grateful for that. I relate to every. single. line. in this masterpiece and I vow to have it in ink someday to always have it with me. Thank you again for everything H, we love you sm. Please come back soon. We need you.
          
          All the love, -A

I might try again tbh. Sorry.

I’m back at square one..again.
          
          Im never gonna get better. 

I haven’t known what to say until now.
          
          I went to billies concert last night and it healed something inside me. Everything I have struggled with since I was 9 disappeared as an entire stadium of fans came together for her. It was one of the most memorable nights of my life. And even though I was the happiest I’ve ever been, I still felt tremendous sorrow.
          
          A date I’ve been waiting for for months now finally came but so did one I never wanted to experience at all. I haven’t wanted to believe that One Direction isn’t whole anymore. Liam’s passing hit extremely hard as that same week I had lost a family member and witnessed a very traumatic death beside me. I’ve not wanted to except that he’s gone but as I am healing, I realize that you can deny the truth but you cannot avoid it. 
          
          Seeing the boys at their lowest and me at my highest I have been in a long time made me understand perspectives in another light. No one will ever experience the same thing as another. A celebrity may never effect one person but might completely change the life of another.
          
          I ask that anyone who sees this understands that from this moment forward, you look at try to look through the eyes of others because you will never know what they go through. Be kind. That’s all Liam would have wanted, for us as fans to stick together. I wish he had reunited them with him but we cannot change that. I know he is looking down and smiling.
          
          We love you Liam, I hope you know that you and the rest of the boys were people that changed my life and I will forever be grateful. 
          
          All the love, -A

you're so brave and strong, hunny. keep living another day ♡

Hi everyone! I’m alive..haha. 
          
          For some context, I had a suicide attempt the night of my previous post. It failed and I realized how bad of a place I was in. I decided to step back from writing online and social media. I’m sorry if I worried you all, it wasn’t my intention. 
          
          It worked for a while, I think I got better. I was self harm free for about a month and a half before I relapsed on Halloween. It was my worst one and it left me in a state of overwhelming hopelessness. I don’t know if I will ever get better. I’m 14 and i have so many scars and issues mentally. I don’t know why either.  My eating habits suck and I feel like because I have no control in my life, that restricting myself is the only way to feel connected to reality. 
          
          I came back on here to explain where I went for you all and for my sake. I felt really guilty. 
          
          As of now, I’m at one of my lowest points in a while and I ended up making a safety pin necklace. I’m trying super hard for the sake of myself and those around me. Unfortunately, my heart wants to live but my brain wants to die. I am honestly scared of myself. I really hate feeling this way. 
          
          I have decided to use writing as my coping method again. I will be trying to write when I need to express stuff. Through the form of the boys most likely. I might post some poetry because that’s one of my main outlets. I’m sorry again for worrying anyone, but I want to be able to write for you all because helping others is the only way I might be able to help myself. If that makes sense. 
          
          I love you all, thank you for sticking with me through this. Thank you to @harrysgardenhouse and @SparklyBiMusic19  for checking in on me. It meant a lot to know strangers on the internet cared for my life. 
          
          All the love, -A

please.

I'm not gonna believe anything yet
          
          Had you tried something I know you won't be on here for a while.
          
          
          I don't care how long it takes I just hope I hear something from you again
          
          

please don't be gone. everything us gonna be okay  i promise you.