𝓣𝔂𝓵𝓮𝓻 <3

I was in such a good mood but they always have to ruin it, they can’t fucking stop ruining everything. They can’t stop fucking me over once I’m doing well, they always make me want to hurt someone, make me want to fucking die. They don’t want me to over react or get mad but it’s so fucking hard not to when they fucked me up so much. They didn’t let me grow normally and expect me to not act like a fucking child when mentally I feel like I still am one and it’s all because they couldn’t let me grow up normally. It’s so selfish to ruin someone’s lives for just existing and then getting mad when they end up fucked up and when they try getting back at you it makes you more mad. Like I’m sorry for feeling the need to make you feel just as hurt as I am, maybe you should’ve not been an abusive fuck who acts as if you’ve never laid a hand on me 

Someone should study my brain honestly

They expect me not to fucking over react when they’ve done shit like this all the time, never did they try to help me, they’ve only made things fucking worse for me and I’m so fucking done now, I’m going to fucking hurt them.

Idk what you’re going through or how you feel, but I know how tempting intrusive and impulsive thoughts can be. Especially self-destruction/sabotage. I’ve never really gotten along with my family either and talking about mental health with them has only ever grown a thicker wedge between us, so I get where you’re coming from.
            I’m sorry you’re going through family troubles like this, and I know it’s easier said than done, but please remember take care of yourself. Distracting yourself with the things you love/make you laugh are super important coping mechanisms. I can get caught up in my emotions sometimes and I’d rather hurt in the moment rather than uplift myself, but riding that wave is so important so that you come out the other alive and well.
            I’ve made impulsive mistakes that I don’t necessarily regret, because I was lucky enough to have come out safe and sound, but there are a lot of actions and decisions I made out of anger or fear or self-loathing that I wish I didn’t.
            Stuff like that can feel so tempting and relieving when you do it, but it’s incredibly common that people like us look back at what we did and realize that it wasn’t the answer.
            You deserve love and happiness, and I know there are people out there who love and care for you.
            Accepting that my family didn’t quite get it was difficult, but I remember all the friends I’ve made along the way that would be there for me in a heartbeat, and they make it worth all the trouble I’ve been through to see them again.
            I wish I could make my parents understand my mental health more, but I can’t force them to wrap their heads around something they don’t care to. They drive me fkn nuts sometimes, but no matter how much what they do or say hurts me, I try to keep it together for not only myself but my friends. And my cat lol

They’re making me go fucking insane at this point, I genuinely might act on my intrusive thoughts one day 

@HeavenlyMindedGirl well while I can't help you in real life, I can at least be here to hear you out if you want to, or we could just talk about random things.