@Heeheebambiboii Now, on to the things that could use a little more improvement: pacing, again.
But actually, you did improve your pacing a lot compared to the past chapters. You made the plot slow down, which was good, but some scenes could linger a little longer before moving on to the next segment. For example, I probably wouldn't have brought in the penthouse offer just yet. In that scene, you could have let readers see more of Heeseung's inner conflict and emotions before moving forward.
And yes, through the introduction, we did get to see Heeseung's personality. We learned that he is a perfectionist, hardworking, and probably pushing himself too far. But as I said, I wish that lasted longer and explored more of Heeseung's personality.
As for Jay and Jake, they need to have unique personalities too. I'm only mentioning this so you can build interesting and distinct personalities for both side characters in the upcoming chapters. These characters should have their own flair and individuality rather than simply being there to move the scene along.
Even while writing, I suggest thinking about what each character would realistically do in a situation. On this last point, I'm not implying that you're writing them this way right now. It's just a suggestion that I thought might help because I was a little worried the characters could start heading in that direction.
Overall, these are just small suggestions that could make an already improved chapter even stronger.
But remember you did soo much better already. This chapter was 8.5/10 <33
