Ray-Ray>_<

I’m such a pig.

I want irl friends so bad. I love my online friends so much but I need to talk to someone that’s not through a screen. I can’t keep friends tho it’s they 1 drop me in a year or 2 they are terrible people. 
          
          I just want someone I can talk to in person. 

I want to post something but Wattpad will take it down.

I think I’m just going to give up on art. I can’t draw I can’t paint and colour. I don’t know anatomy no matter how hard I try to learn it. My drawings always look shit no matter how much I try. I don’t know what to do anymore, most people irl know me as #### daughter that is good at drawing. So if I give up who am I? I don’t even know who I would be. 
          
          This always happens, example I wanted to be a dancer now I pain problems, I wanted to be an artist and take commissions but I can’t draw, I wanted to be a writer but I can’t spell or write, I wanted to be a hairdresser but i am awful  at cutting hair and I can’t keep a steady hand, I wanted to be an animator I can’t draw or animate anything.
          
          So what or who am I? I’m nothing again without drawing or will I just always be nothing?

There is a friend I have mentioned quite a few times on here and I have now stopped being friends with her.
          
          The problem I am having now is that she is cutting herself again and going deeper with it And her mum is trying to convince me to be her friend again… T-T

MY BODY HAS BETRAYED ME!!! Why is it 2 weeks early… 

I’m getting fat… fuck. 

She also gets mad at me if I don’t respond in 5 minutes even if I have a reason that I couldn’t respond. 
          
          This happened 20 minutes ago. 
          
          Her : I need you to add me on a new account on discord because I’ve been limited on there.
          ( 1 hour ago. )
          
          Me : sorry I didn’t respond : name :  was teaching me Spanish.
          
          Her : can you stop talking about : name : all the time it really annoys me. So stop.
          
          I’ve mentioned her 3 times in the last 2 months.
          
          But she can talk about her friends all the time!?

I don’t understand my irl friend sometimes because she gets mad at me when I talk about something else that happened with someone because I found it funny. But she can do it all the time. 
          
          The only stuff she tends to message me about is her mum, her friends, people she doesn’t like. That is all she messages me about and I hate it and constantly venting to me. 
          
          Example : me : my mums dog annoys me so much.
          
          This will make her really mad at me. ^
          
          But she can : 
          
          Example : my friend is such an asshole I hate her so much, I hate my mum/dad so much right now.
          * venting. * for the 5 time this week and it’s Friday. Talking about her Sh and thought to kill herself. 
          
          But if I mention that it makes me uncomfortable she gets mad at me. 
          
          IM FEED UP OF IT!!

I’m a bit worried about someone online I know. I don’t know what it is but something isn’t right.
          
          I feel like she going to end it but I don’t want to ask as we are not that close to each other for me to ask that type of thing.
          
          I really hope that she doesn’t. 
          I wish I could say something but I don’t what make her uncomfortable.