I am an Eggroll, however I am also an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and I can ruthlessly ride a piece of wood with wheels. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I once single-handedly defended a small village in the back of my garden from a horde of ferocious fire ants, using only a frying pan. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I like to build large suspension bridges in my yard.