HelloLynnie

I graduated college today! Yippee ig

HelloLynnie

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What are the odds that I just found Sylus VA's alt name? Literally got recommended an audio book on insta and IT WAS FUCKING SYLUS 
          
          And it wasn't his public name it's some new one. All ik is he sounds so hot ahhh
          
          Gatekeeping this info btw. I wonder how long it'll take until it spreads

HelloLynnie

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guys I srsly don't know if this guy is into me or. this guy has given me free boba before along with extra stuff and today I was talking about my job as a cleaner and he deadass offered to work with me in the summer. he was serious and I was so surprised I just laughed and brushed it off. did I fuck up? I just can't imagine him being into me. I'm currently not an attractive person. my hair is dirty, I'm wearing sweatpants, and I'm overweight. damn typing that makes me feel terrible
          
          anyway, would a man really find that attractive? I'm not hideous, I've got curves, but im a heavy girl. I've got tits, ass, and thighs for days, but I also have a round face and a tummy so :(
          
          speaking of being fat, its crazy how different ppl treat u when ur fat. I used to be thin before I started taking a certain medication. I gained 70 pounds in Sertraline. actually insane. I took it for years and only stopped when my hair started falling out. anyway, people were way nicer to me when I was thin. I got smiles, how are you's, have a good day's, yk. now, ppl treat me like I'm invisible. they don't wanna look at me. its night and day.
          
          maybe its because I grew up in a family of heavy ppl, but I've never treated anyone differently for being skinny or fat. or maybe that's just cuz I'm not a shitty person. Idc if someone is fat. that doesn't change how I interact with them. I feel like 1 reason I haven't made a single friend in 4 years of college is because I'm fat. girls are judgy, and I might be wrong here, but I feel they would rather be friends with skinny girls like them then a fat girl. same with guys. they would rather be friends with an attractive girl. This could be total BS though idk that's just how I feel.
          
          I got way off track.

HelloLynnie

@HelloLynnie on the bright side, my acne has gotten a lot better. these last few months I've been using these alcohol pads that kill bacteria and then this special cream and it really works! I wish I had this ages ago. I still have a lot of hidden acne, but I'm not get new ones and my face looks a lot clearer and less red. 
            
            my hair is growing back from the disastrous hair falling out event of last year. it'll take at least a year for it grow fully back. my hair was below my butt when I cut it, right now its just below my shoulders. I miss it.
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HelloLynnie

I just wanna be thin again but its so hard. that medication slowed my metabolism down so much I gain weight by just looking at food. I'm honestly scared. Im admittedly very out of shape and whenever I try to do rigorous exercise I end up hurting myself so lately I've been walking around my neighborhood and doing leg raises. I was doing yoga but I kind stopped. I need to get back into it. its so easy to stop and lost motivation. any type of strict diet is out of the question. Ive done them, they don't last. longest I've gone was a few months on keto. I just cant do it. life's not worthing living without carbs. I'm just staying away from sugar and really unhealthy stuff. sugar is my enemy, I love it. It was just Easter and my mom gave me an Easter basket. I ate some of the chocolate, checked my weight a few days later and saw that I gained 10 pounds and immidiately gave the basket back. It hurt because I love chocolate but I cant get any higher than I am. im the heaviest I've ever been in my life and I refuse to get heavier. i
            
            t feels terrible going to my college. its a beach college. everyone walks around in booty short and tube tops. I cant. its florida. it gets hot. its summer most of the time. ppl are wearing shorts and crop tops. I hate my legs, so I wear pants. yes I get hot, but I have to deal with it because I'm too insecure to show my skin. I always bring a sweater with me no matter the temperature because when im feeling extra insecure I wear it. it doesnt matter if its 90 degrees outside.
            
            ugh I didn't mean to vent I'm just feeling really ugly these days.
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HelloLynnie

So I completely forgot that for a semester I brought a pillow with me to class and carried it with me all day. I was dropped off so early that I would just take a nap in the library and then walk to class which was right next to me since it was also in the library. I literally woke up and immediately headed to class drowsy with bedhead holding my pillow. Good times.