Buzz motherfucker

God I need a fucking hug
          
          I know that I’m not a bad person, everyone I have asked if I am has said no. But I continue to reread our messages questioning what I did wrong. What I did to fuck you up or if just made you worse. You never told me what I did wrong. The few things I know I did wrong I owned up to, something you could never do, but I keep questioning what more I could have done if you wanted me to fix you or put you back together with my bones slowly cracking under the pressure. I was 12 trying to beg you to stay alive, I don’t know what I was supposed to do. We are both dumb kids but that isn’t an excuse for either of us, you should know better and you’re a hypocrite and I hate you and Jesus Christ I just want some goddamn closure and for you to be out of my life permanently!…I miss you though, is that bad? I know your birthday and favorite color and favorite Pokémon, your least favorite and favorite foods, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this information and it’s driving me nuts. What am I supposed to do without you?

Guess who finally left the toxic friendship he’s been in for about 3 years.
          
          I’m glad I left. I have no regrets in leaving you and I finally feel free. I have wanted to leave for almost two years so now I’m glad I left. Absolutely in all respects fuck you, you put me through shit that I didn’t deserve and I think you’re an absolute bitch. I hope you can never see noivern the same. I hope you get mad whenever you see something bungo stray dogs. I hope Pokémon sword stays your least favorite game. I hope green stays your least favorite color. I hope you turn red whenever a history book mentions Aaron Burr. I hope you hate romance anime until the day you die. I hope that you will never play a “anime rhythm game”. 
          …
          But with that, I wish you the best. I hope that your relationship never fails and that you’re finally accepted. I hope you stay alive long enough to see the world change. I hope that your favorite show never gets canceled. I hope your favorite singers always produce music. I hope you become a star and I’ll be proud when you do. You deserve better than what you got and so did I. You’re not a bad person and I don’t hate you, I never did. You just hurt me and I hope you realize what you did and move on from it.

Vent poetry 
          
          Scared to trust 
          quick fo follow 
          dashing from danger 
          staying for it all
          Running out of instinct 
          Staying for normalcy 
          Flipping on a dime
          Standing strong as stone
          Memories hazy
          Reminders with such clarity 
          Who is at fault 
          When one claims to the victim
          Unexpecting of criticism  
          While the other begs and pleads 
          “Take me take me” 
          With no evidence to prove 
          or sentence them to doom
          Apologies from the wrong mouth 
          Leading everyone riddled with doubt
          Oh inconsistency rules this courthouse 
          But who am I to say 
          My brain cracks and frays
          Do you believe this story?
          Or will you write your own and accept the glory
          

Some Rui angst! 
          
          Tw// self harm and suicidal ideation 
          
          They’re just a child, but They’re not and time is racing and trying to catch up as They realize that in three years They’ll be grown with no idea of who they are  and what They’re supposed to be or how to handle everyday life because god forbid time slow down as they’re waisting away and as their body grows their mind doesn’t staying fractured bruised broken burning for some form or praise to prove that it can live up to the expectations  or put on itself because god forbid it be average as it’s grasping at straws trying to figure out how to pilot a person who can’t find the motivation to do anything and questions what would happen if their wrists would flow with blood only 7 months before they’re 16 if they would be a child or an adult and if staying one is better than the other or if they’ll just never wake up again one day praying to an unknown god that it would be the case just so their parents wouldn’t blame themselves for not noticing the signs that were desperately covered up but their secrets would be spilled so easily just by one look at their ribs that are marred with scars as their hands bleed with their own blood, but they’re an adult, they can handle it, just keep it locked up and never show anyone 

AHHHH bsd chapter 101 is unreasonably depressing 
          
          Also my friend got mad at me for talking about bsd too much-
          
          …they picked the WORST time

…so I might have mommy issues?
          
          I’m not you and I’ll never be you and being compared to you makes me feel sick to my stomach and yet there’s time where I can’t tell us apart because we’re so similar and intertwined so I’m scared if I cut you off I’ll just snap myself in two leaving me free falling with nothing to hold on to and I’m not your daughter but if you held me and told me things were ok I would cry my eyes out and spill my soul explaining every ridged detail of my psyche begging for you to be proud and dress up to be your perfect little doll just living my life in your shadow and letting you spill my life to strangers on your phone because god damn I wish I could just stay your little girl dressed in dresses and singing carol king too loudly but I’m your son with no were else to turn and choking on my own thoughts of self doubt and feeling sick from the idea of being proud of you and loving you when you’re so inconsistent it’s either hot or cold left or right up or down with you and you take things out on people who did nothing wrong as you guilt trip us making us feel bad for expressing emotions when she was only six and I was only 12 overwhelmed with the crushing weight of having to do better and live up to everything you have ever done because if I am not you than what even if my worth if I’m not but I am not you mother but without you I’m nothing and I’m your daughter but I’m also my fathers son but I’m your sweet girl and every bit of you as everyone says even if I’m we’re not anything alike 

Yea this could be used for multiple different characters but it as written for vanitas. 
          
          He couldn’t breathe. Everything felt so far from him and his mind was screaming at him to run away, go flee. To go somewhere safe but anywhere but this cage. But you can’t run from your own thoughts, your own brain your own body your own fear and emotions. You can’t run from the people who love you because they’ll always find a way back no matter how hard you try and shove them away and beg them to just hate you already because you already hate yourself so much and can’t see why could love a pile of broken and cracked shards that will never be the same. He doesn’t understand why he’s even here still…it’s not like he’ll be here much longer

Chuuya corruption angst!
          
          It was the death of his humanity, the death of his sanity, the death of his innocence, the death of his friends and the death of his hope. It took everything from him making him a mindless monster who was a vessel for a god that his body couldn’t handle and so it cracked and it broke and it tore as it crumpled under the weight barley giving him any room to breathe as his lungs begged for air but it was all in vain as he tried to scream but blood poured from his mouth chocking him and the anger of a god forced itself out as a scream ripping his vocal cords to shreds his eyes blurry as blood dripped down from his eyes unable to see who or what he was attacking as he attempted to hold on to the small sense of consciousness he has. But as soon as it started it was over as the howls became a distant memory in the air but the smell of blood permitting it instead strong enough to make him gag if he wasn’t already from the blood in his mouth causing bile to spill out running his already damaged voice and leaving him to fall to the ground as his legs had long sense gave out but he’s left for dead now. Quietly cursing out the man that caused all of this in his mind 

Me being insecure about a friendship and projecting that on to Barbara from genshin impact? WOW SO ORIGINAL.
          
          “I want you to be happy, I want to see you smile and laugh and joke around, but I’m not sure if you can do that with me. I know I sound insane and insecure but you looked happy the other day with your other friend so I thought maybe…I don’t want to hold you down, I don’t want to accidentally hurt you in the long run from doing that. I love you I really really do and I’m scared of ever losing you but hey if it makes you feel better then that’s all that matters right?”

          I umm. I don’t even know tbh give it a character. Probably chuuya. 
          
          “Do you do this to everyone? Or was I just some special case, the sorry bastard that had do deal with your shit for years. But even if I’m not are you still doing the same stuff to other people and is it bad that In some sick way I hope you are? Just to know that I wasn’t the only one. Just to know that you didn’t mean to fuck me up and that’s just how you are. In some ways I really do honestly miss you, but the idea of our relationship ever being the same makes me feel sick to my stomach. But maybe it’s my fault? Maybe I should have changed and pieced together your pile of broken glass while my hands bleed. I’m not sure if I was just a special case but for everyone else’s I hope I was. Just so you can help someone else even if I have to piece myself together after you broke me”