:-(

HELLO?

What's up bois. Here for an update- that won't be read by anyone but by future me. So since I was last on here:
          
          - I am still as suicidal as ever 
          - still being fucked over by an ED
          - I'm like failing school because of mental illness 
          - One of the loves of my life died today (my dog)
          - my parents are becoming worse so we spend most of our time arguing and then insulting me
          HOWEVER! 
          I have a new boyfriend (it's been like 2 months) and he's the best? He sends me memes and calls me and facetimes me and is so caring and helpful and patient with me. He's also a 6'4 druggo with the exact same music taste as mine who is a drummer, guitarist and singer who's in multiple bands and sends me little songs ❤️ I can tell he likes me a lot which makes me feel so so good inside and he says he loves me and always wants to see me and is the best and I luv it him 

Me watching skam: I love girls...they're so beautiful...they're so effortless, natural...ethereal beings...I live for girls...

I'm so fussy but if all fics had good grammar I wouldn't be suffering so much and there would probably be like 9 more stories in my library 

reading imagines when u find out all the imagines about ur favourite characters in a male/male relationship  have been turned into fuckboys with girlfriends (including the gay one) 
          :) :) no from me dawg :) :) 

when ur reading a fic and u read the next chapters titles when u start realising things are getting sad and the titles have 'goodbye' and things related to death in them 
          
          no from me dawg

Still want to puke every time I eat except now I'm binge eating because I'm in a very depressive state and have been at my most suicidal ever and nearly jumped in front of the train like 8 times so woo! I'm less skin and bones now but like it's really hard. Like so hard. I'm now physically more comfortable because I was in pain all the time, couldn't put my back against anything bc of the spine sticking out and my back bone things would hang over the back of chairs and couldn't even sit in bed because the bones in my butt stuck out so much and it hurt. So I'm more comfy now but in more hell over eating and puking food up bc the food just doesn't come up and it makes me want to die more 

My friend was trying to analyse me and said "you're so interesting. You're like your own species." and that's been like the best thing anyone has said to me and I want to remember it 

My boyfriend has also gone insane and we've been told to get him help before he does something bad and he's been so severely depressed since we broke up (even tho he broke up with me?) but his friends only told me today about how much he cares about me and how before our first date he was panicking and pacing and was asking his friends about what to say and what to wear and even which of his socks to wear (I love his socks) and then they said "he was so so happy when he was dating you.." And I'm crying so much 

Hello update on my actually shitshow of a life: 
          - My boyfriend and I broke up over stuff 
          He kept me slightly sane? So:
          - I stopped eating for like 30 hours and only drank water lmao 
          - I've lost 2 kilos from not eating rly 
          - I slashed my face with a razor 
          - I've tried to make myself throw up in the school toilets 
          - I've done a lot of crying during classes
          - I'm failing like everything bc I just lie in bed depressed or leave class to calm down 
          Nice!