When donkey asks Shrek what his name is, 
Shrek pauses before he says Shrek, 
and I am convinced he came up with it on the spot.

What if the meteor that hit earth and killed the dinosaurs, was actually a UFO and we are the aliens..?

Me: I'll do it at six.
Time: 6.05
Me: Well looks like I gotta wait until 7 now..

Life Hack: 
Don't wanna clean your room? Blow up your whole house!

I blame Disney for making me believe singing fixes everything. 

The fact that we know chameleons exist means that they are stupid idiot failures.. 

I swear some songs have noises in the background that make you think your ma is shouting at you from downstairs!

I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

                                     _____Wake up_____
                                   /                                           \                                
   Do something.                                                    Do nothing.    
                  |                                                                              |               
       Fuck it up.                                                         Feel like shit. 
                                   \                                         /
                                           Hate your self.
                                                        |
                                               Go to bed