@jonathan125833
To put it simply: decent
While the beginning of the story for me felt limited on what the characters were saying, the battle in the city had an awkward ending, and the ex machina (i pull out rocket launcher at 0.1 Hp before dying);
i liked the concept of the Hollow Knight story, the fun references thrown in, Spamton, and i think you can make it interesting.
The best thing i can advice you is to revise dialogue not to give past relevant info
(Hey, remember the time badass thing happened? it made you look cool and do that thing.)
You should try and incorporate it in the scene organically
([birthday]
A: Getting Older, John?
B: Nah, just gettin' younger. 50 years is just the start.
A: Mad would've called you "Tryceratops", if he found out.
B: Yeah...miss that son..
A: You'd think Corpo would hide such a death, but no.
B:Why? They saw it as free adds, "Miner found dead and retrieved 1000 m. from surface with Corpo tech"? If it wasn't for such a tragedy, you'd be convinced to buy something like that, too.
A: ...
B: Don't think about it, just... enjoy the cake.
All in all, i found it charming. Sorry for the late response, wattpad does not send notifications to my phone anymore.
