Buckethead Fan

I've been getting back into songwriting lately, it's actually pretty fun and relaxing...
          
          
          
          [Ignore my book, it's um... hiatus I guess]

Flying dog ~ Paul Gilbert

Well, I was adjusting my guitar today, trying to fix the string action as I had some fret buzz that annoyed me, it didn't come out of the amp, but it made it to where my strings felt loose. So I tried messing with the bridge and uh...
          
          Well, let's just say the buzz got so bad that it sounded like a bass... When it was in tune. 
          
          Safe to say I have to mess with the Truss rod now, that's fun

I just ended things with her, I think, I'd be surprised is she'd still even care honestly. 
          
          So, I sent a Google doc as you know, split it up into paragraphs and included a TTS link at the top, for dyslexia accommodations, hoping she'd hear me out...
          
          But nope, I open up the doc to just see she put up at the top, "LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE"
          
          
          
          You're telling me after all the shit you've put me through, you can't be bothered to give a shit to even listen to what you put me through? What you fucking did yourself, saying it's my fault that I've been fucking desperate for confirmation?
          
          So I open the shit up when I get home and just put this:
          
          "Yesterday my cat dies, and now I have to deal with this?
          
          God, you know what, fuck you, I'm done blaming myself over the shit you've caused, because an answer was too hard to give
          
          
          All you are is a fucking asshole who has no regard for the effects your actions have on others. You don't block a perspn because you don't wanna explain yourself to them! Do you know what that does to a person's mental state!? I JUST WANTED TO DIE
          
          I can't believe I liked you, that I wanted to be your friend. That I trusted you!"

My... Cat died today... Whoever heard of a cat named Pretty Boy living to be 15
          I... kinda feel like an asshole though because, I just don't feel anything. It was just emptiness inside the whole time and I was mad at myself. My mom and sister were over here weeping and I'm just standing over her not having a single shred of sadness in myself..
          
          How the fuck is it that I feel more shit from her than from my own cat dying?

I sunk to the lows of sending a Google doc, and now it really feels like I can't do anything... The worst part is that, even if I give up on trying, I know I still won't move on. I thought it would help maybe just writing it down, kinda did for like an hour.. Like I saw her in SRT today, cause teacher of record the same. I think she saw me for a second, because I accidentally glanced at her... why the hell is it so hard to go up to someone and talk, so much is at stake here, yet I can't initiate anything.
          
          My option at this point is canvas messaging her friend, since I don't have the confidence to ask him in person...

"They take away, and we just turn on ourselves
          A bad reaction that we can't seem to help"

So I realized something earlier while I was in my first period today... I am nowhere close to being done with her, god
          
          Why do I still want to correct this? I know I should give up, yet as long as there is a slight hope, I can't do anything but gaslight myself into thinking that it's not all fucked... I just, I just wanna fucking talk to her, ugh
          
          And it's not liek I'm really all thay desperate, I realize she likely doesn't want to do anything to me if she'd go to the point of blocking me, but I just want to know why... I had the chance to ask her friend, yet I don't have the fucking courage to ask him, what do I look like, Naruto? Someone without care of being embarrassed? No
          
          In conclusion... I'm still a bit of a mess, and I still miss her... Whoever knew just giving a simple answer is so hard, yeesh

My geometry teacher is... Dare I say a bitch... Example 1
          
          We switched to this shit called Minga for passes this year (paper was just fine) So now you're limited to 2 a day, never been a problem for me..
          
          Except for some reason my Geometry teacher gives us 4 passes a semester, I only used ONE last semester at the beginning of the year, so I have 7
          
          And guess who had a migraine today? My water bottle was empty, but apparently that's my fault...
          
          I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO HAVE THE FEELING OF GAMBLING IN SCHOOL, WHEN I HAVE TO USE THE FUCKING BATHROOM!

As school starts tomorrow,  I am not excited... Especially since I have to figure out where my classes are, and considering one is in a section of the building I still have no idea where it is... I'm living on hopes and dreams
          
          Also, I'm... Probably just gonna give up on my friend at this point, haven't messaged her since 26th, so I can confirm I'm getting over the shit... 
          I'm just not sure I wanna