𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍

ermmmmmm what the scallop???!?????

ignore my previous neuroticisms 

sometimes I think abt changing my @ but then remember how much of a historical item it is and just absolutely cannot how could I ever do that 

I often fantasise about killing gerard way with my bare hands /sx 

I often fantasise about killing brendan urie with my bare hands /nsx

I just woke up with what might be the darkest most terrible eyebags I've ever had I actually look so grim right now  the 4am writing grind never ends ig

I forgot how easy it is to trick people into thinking you're actually getting better and not falling down a rabbithole of constant overdoses and attempting basically every other night at this point. 
          regardless, nobody's gonna fucking know so I feel like I've actually. got . something to live for? if that makes sense. my own will and ability to choose when my life ends and by what means. Doesn't help that everyone is fucking abandoning me and spreading rumors and shit so. yeah. at least everyone will think it's good that I'm gone. when I got drunk the other day I accidentally spilled a little bit of my intentions to my partner but I don't think he remembers/really took it in. at least I'm hoping not. He'd be the only one who could tell I'm sure. every time I look at him I feel so dreadfully alive and human, everything scares me and being conscious is terrifying. but with him it's a little less bad. I'm losing the energy to be passionate in my time with him I just. hug him as tight as I fucking can and try not to cry because I usually intend it to be the last time. I see something so painful and real in his eyes that I don't like. it's like the whole world and time itself is staring back at me. I'm so scared and I love it. I really do. 

the nerve some selfish fucking people have to assume everything I say is about them like??? NEWS FLASH!!!! I don't think about you at all! stop inserting yourself into my fucking life ! 

funny how the same people who preach for cluster b disorders to be villanised less are the same ones who always tell everyone I'm horrible for my symptoms lmfao 

informative bit of info since nobody who knows me can interpret my words correctly 
          you = myself /sys
          you = myself 3rd person 
          you all = group of people independent of myself, might even include you the reader!!!!!!!
          
          ok does that make sense everyone stop dming me !!! leave me to wallow on my message board in ln peace