Lazy Little Lonely Loser

Get told I look like someone from a podcast. Don’t know how that works but thanks I guess??

I was at camp for a few weeks and now I’m in Virginia with family which is fun
          
          My mom picked me up after 2 weeks of not seeing or writing to me, then dropped me off at the nearest McDonald’s with my grandpa and left for Maryland. It’s the first time she’s seen me cry. I didn’t miss her at camp but I finally got to see her and she left for another fucking lacrosse thing with my brothers. 
          
          We played a game at camp that is basically trauma dumping (we go around in a circle and answer a question/prompt but it gets deep) and they brought up parents and although we ran out of time and I never spoke I was crying the whole time because everyone talked about how their parents were either their best friends, someone they could lean on, not great but their siblings helped them through it, or strict, and mine are just gone. I wish I could stay at camp longer. 
          
          At camp I was cramping and my counselor sat with me, and another one said she’d warm me up a heating pad the next day (which I denied because it was a hassle for her and I was fine the next day and I’ve never used one). I cried that night because these people I hardly know cared so much. They cared for me even though I gave nothing in return. I’m crying now, alone with my younger brother in my grandmas house. my dad is in Utah, mom and older brother in Maryland. My little brother’s leaving in a few days, then a few days later I’ll fly home.
          
          I just wish i could be at camp, where people care and don’t judge. I don’t like it here. Camp is my escape. Next year is my last year unless I become a counselor which u have to get called back for. I fucking hate it at home. I wish I could stay there forever.

I was gonna vent here but Im making a book to do it so y’all don’t get bothered by notifications

Hi this is Ezra on my new account I got kicked out of my old one

Dude I’m so tired rn
          
          Also my room is so messy it’s scaring me
          
          School is done. Graduation tomorrow then I can rest and get back on my feet. Yippee

yesterday I fell asleep on my floor right when I got home from exhaustion. then I dragged myself downstairs, chugged over 100 mg of caffeine and did my homework. I went above to help my project group and fix everyones mistakes. 
          
          as long as I can stand (which I hurt my hamstrings and almost can't stand rn oopsies) I will stand strong. people can lean on me and ill hold myself together so they can look to me for help and comfort. 
          
          I accidentally slipped the other day and texted my friend for help crying. this friend is the best and he helped me and I was back the next day on my feet like nothing happened. 
          
          just a few more days until summer. just a few more years until college and leaving this damn house. just a few more hours until my legs give out and I pass out. goodnight

It is so funny when guys pretend to be cool assholes but can’t hide they are attracted to you. 
          
          Happened tonight, this guy was acting all cool and annoying but it was SO OBVIOUS that he liked me. This isn’t me being self absorbed or anything I promise it was just so obvious. He insulted me and pied me in the face but other than that he was just showing off. Then he threw my shoe on a roof and I got mad (and maybe I cried because those are my only shoes and they’re kinda new and the neighbors who’s house it was were rude and wouldn’t let us on the roof) but still it was clear he liked me. 
          
          He’s meh. He’s like low key homophobic which is a no (I’m bi) so I’ll never date him. 
          
          But he is hot…

Sorry I keep disappearing! I had a school trip and I’m exhausted. I’m not going to be consistent anymore I don’t think and I’m so sorry. If I’m going to die I’ll say a proper goodbye. 
          
          My family is shitty. Mom hates me, I’m only staying for my little brother. Also my aunt is a cheater and my uncles a drunk. Their kids are going through so much. 
          
          I think I have friends but I will never let my guard down again. One wrong move and I’m fucked again. 
          
          Shit the guy I like is hot. He texted me like once and I’m in love but my friend likes him too so that’s bad. 
          
          This one girl is going to annoy me to death if I don’t kill her first

Hi

“You’re damned if you do and your damned if you don’t so you might as well just do whatever you want.”
          
          -someone smart who prob has parent issues