Your Story Has Good Potential ( The First One Im Reading, Adopted By August ) But A Few Tips I Know/Learned,
Space Out The Dialogue Like The Conversations & The Thoughts. Put The Conversations In Quotations Or Italics Or Something ( W/e Is Your Style )
Go Into More Details Too. Like Don't Be Brief W/ The Thoughts of The Characters
Make The Chapters Longer
Correct The Grammar/Spelling & Some Words Shouldn't Be Shortened So Readers Can Understand.
Don't Put Me & ___ The Characters Name As Convo,
Example :
Me : Hey
Him : Hi.
You Know?
Lmk If You Want Anymore Tips. Im Only Pointing Out What I Noticed.
Hope You Didn't Mind.
I'll Continue Reading Tho.. & Ill Be Back Lol.