Bel

Whelp, I had a good start to the day
          
          Had no power until like 3am, so my hearing aids don’t have enough charge, nor does my devices for school. My car is being stupid and not turning off properly, so it has to go to the mechanics. And I have school photos, which I hate. 
          
          Fun.

I love how it’s 4pm and all I’ve eaten today is a small pea ice of dried mango and half a can of coke 

So uh… finally updated something on my bio…
          
          Only took me  two horrible relationships, trauma, flashbacks and letting me be who I need to be to figure it out…
          
          So yeah

Bodies are weird. Like how can I have a stomach that sticks out, but then you can see my ribs. Like is all my fat just in my stomach and thighs and not protecting my ribs? Idk 

It’s my birthday… I feel old

I just love how it’s nearly midnight, and for the past 15 minutes I’ve been having a breakdown because it’s finally hit me that my Gra wont be there on Christmas, and it feels like I’m forgetting his voice

I could really use a lobotomy

You know, I always thought this year would go well. In some parts, it has. But it’s also been quite possibly the worst year.
          
          Maggie, I miss you so very much. It’s been a few months and I still look over at the corner where your bed used to be. Loki goes around sniffing the tennis balls you used to play with constantly. I wish you were still here
          
          Gra, it’s been 18 days and I wish it hasn’t. I miss all the moments we used to has, especially us eating things with Vegemite or you teasing me with jokes about the Hawks. Thanks to you, I partially Barwick for the Hawks and think of you every time they win. I love you. 
          
          And now Blaze. I love you like you were my own dog, and not just my grandparents. I’ll miss you so much and I hope you’re having fun in heaven with Maggie and Gra.

He lasted as long as he could. He fought for as long as he could. He couldn’t hold on anymore.
          
          I wish I had visited him one last time. I wish I stayed with him for longer when I last saw him. I wish that he was still here. 
          
          Gra, I wish you a safe journey to heaven, where your gran will be waiting for you. I love you

It’s always heartbreaking when someone you love is in pain and there’s nothing that can be done to help them. Then seeing them slowly start to fade away…
          
          And when they say that they can feel a dead family member around, it’s hard to hold back tears cause you just know what’s going to happen soon