I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed.
There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to.
I invited your best friend the companion cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him.
All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikable you are.
It says so right here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned.
'Shall not be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official.
It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too.
Speaking of curiosity, you're curious about what happens after you die, right? Guess what: I know.
You're going to find out first hand before I finish explaining it, though, so I won't bother.
Here's a hint: you're gonna want to pack as much living as you can into the next couple of minutes.