YourFavoriteHufflepuff

I'm scared of everyone getting mad at me for some odd reason. It appears that I feel like everyone will get so mad at me easily and I feel like im paranoid for no reason over this. But I hate being yelled at, I feel like I can sense that people are mad in a way. And it scares me, either I think that they are going to completely leave me or stay mad at me for a long time. And I've messed up so many times to where im scared that ill do something wrong and it'll all just be over, it happened with my last really close friendship. Not going to go into detail.. But it scares me. I dont want to do the wrong thing and I hate seeing people cry. People being mad at me is like and makes me think, 'oh sh4, I did it again, i messed up, their going to leave me.' and other things like that. Also aside from m0m when she doesn't take her d3pr3ssion m3ds she uh thr0ws things at me.. it just scares me, when people yell at me, i either do three things, 1. yell back, 2. Cry, 3. just stare there being really scared.

My dad who is opposite of me, who says, "You don't need friends to live." 
          In my opinion, yes I do. I need that social interaction. I understand that you are anti-social, and have like 2 to no friends. 
          But I need friends dad, I need that conversation. Yes I may lock myself in my room and play video games but Im talking to people as im doing that. That is the same thing as talking to people. But I do need that actual interaction where I need to hangout with people but I havent actually "Hungout" With anyone for years and i mean YEARS. Like I dont even remember the last time I actually hungout with people. But I might hangout with more people as I get older and can do more things by myself without my parents having to be with me and stuff.

(Im mad in this) 
          You need to not be RUDE ABOUT MY DANG BANGS AND HOW THEY LOOK RIGHT NOW OKAY?! I SLIGHTLY REGRET DOING THEM SO SHUT YOUR MOUTH, I DONT NEED YOUR COMMENT WHEN I DIDNT ASK. OR DONT TALK SH4 ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK ABOUT MY D5MN HAIR! SO BE NICE AND KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOUR SELF IF YOUR GOING to BE RUDE. I ALREADY HAD A BAD DAY YESTERDAY AND I DONT NEED ANOTHER BAD DAY!  LIEK I KNOW I DID THIS TO MYSELF OK!? SO SHUT UP! I DONT NEED YOUR DANG OPINION IF ITS GOING TO BE BAD, BECUASE PEOPLE KNOW ME AND I WILL FIND OUT AND IT HURTS ME MORE WHEN ITS MY FRIENDS, IM ALREADY NERVOUS MYSELF ABOUT THIS AND IT WAS MY DECiSION TO MAKE ABOUT MY OWN HAIR! AND IM STUCK WITH IT SO STOP BEFORE YOU MAKE ME MAD AND I PROBABLY YELL AT YOU AND LASH OUT.

Mentions of SH. 
          
          I feel like I just had a panic attack. 
          I was lightheaded/dizzy, and I couldn't breath that well. I was overwhelmed with emotions that I just yelled and I couldnt even control it.. Mom made me so mad... I didn't know what to do. I was basically hyperventilating but idk.  mom never listens,  I wanted to go to my dads this weekend and all I feel like doing is crying and I ended upo hitting my head against the wall out of anger then went into my room adn hit myself in the head with basically my wrist/palm and now my head has a bump adn im pretty sure its gonna bruise and i dont understand anything. Im sorry grandma and grandpa for lashing out around you. It all started with my step dad saying that I was grounded for looking up how long it would take my legs to not be soar from working out. But Nooo thats not allowed apparently. they never care. Mom wouldnt listen to me as I was trying to explain why I acted like I did. And all i feel like doing is crying. and I dont know why. I just want to be calm but no i cant calm down...

@MONARCH-OF-DARKNESS
          
          MY ROOM IS SO COLD :(

Vent. 
          So you know whenever you ask your mother to do something for example like what I asked my mom, "Can you turn my bluetooth off because its going to kill my battery?" 
          And so she went on my phone and I got up and she turned off my bluetooth. Then she decides 'here lets go onto her phone and look at her texts.' 
          LIKE I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO GO THROUGH MY TEXTS! WHAT IF I WENT THROUGH YOURS HUH??! WHAT IF I WENT THROUGH YOUR PRIVATE TEXTS BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR BESTFRIEND?? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? 
          ESPECIALLY IF YOU JUST KEPt oN SCROLLING EVEN AFTER I SAID "No" AND TOLD HER TO STOP. LIKE MOTHER YOU ARE INVADING IN MY PERSONAL SPACE. ALL I ASKED YOU TO DO WAS TO TURN OFF MY BLUETOOTH.

Yk it kinda makes me really mad when my mom says, "I'll be home around 6 today." And then NOT be home by 6. And I have to get this stupid schedule done, when I wanted her help. So yeah I'm P!55ed off right now. Waiting till my mom gets home to get her to help me, with this thing that had to be done a while ago.

@MONARCH-OF-DARKNESS
          
          Ashhh

Anyways! How was all of your guys's day?? 
          
          
          
          
          .
          Its been quite hard to stay asleep and get good rest when I keep waking up at F41n9 1 - 4 am and I get up at 5am. And cant fall back asleep even tho i try to, I layed there for 2 hours and gave up at 3 am so i went to the living room to watch anime. 
          
          Yk its terrifying to have your mom try to make you watch a show that has the thing that you had nightmares about and were terrified of as a kid and still is terrified of.
          then your dad saying that its possible in a way. but  he doesn't believe in ghosts? 
          
          I say, " ghosts are real and what you say in a way could be possible isn't father"

Vent I suppose. 
          
          Nahhh its fine, lets go to bed without eating anything. It's totally fine, im not even hungry. Even after I asked for a grilled cheese just don't make it, alright. Thats fine. 
          
          I can't even ask my step-dad for help with math. He sucks at math and I can't even ask mom for help because shes at work till 8 and doesn't get home till 9. And Ash didn't go to school due to being sick and I planned on asking Ash for help on my math today but he wasn't here, so that one didn't get done today because idk what the f4 im doing. And I'm trying to understand it but its confusing even if the teacher tries to make it easier for the class, or to understand it better like yeah i get how to do that but what about the next step? How does that help? And im to scared to ask the teacher for help like I always am. Its just confusing.