HummingbirdWhisperer

I love Timothee Chalamet

HummingbirdWhisperer

this message may be offensive 
I hate college so much bro... I hate my intruding thoughts... I hate my possessiveness...I hate my life. I'm happy they're having fun, but my thoughts can't help but focus on the worst outcome possible. "Almost every night there's something happening" That hit me too hard. And then the intruding thoughts followed. *You mean every night another opportunity to find someone else? To hook up with someone else?* I'm so worried of that. So worried. Finding someone else and ESPECIALLY hooking up. Like when I'm gone on my mission, he'll be bored or miss the physical stuff,  and hook up with someone, and I'll never know. This thought scares me the fuck to death. I don't wanna hear about college, I don't. Not a word, because it makes the thoughts worse. It hasnt even been a week, and he's having the time of his life. Pool parties, outings, etc. It makes my stomach twist and I go into depression. I'm so happy for them... they deserve it all... just keep me out of it. Go enjoy college, and I'll enjoy my senior year. I don't want them to think about me... I want them to focus on their studies and friends... it's better this way and it's better for me. But I can't tell them any of this... it'll break their precious heart and I can't bear that. They'll tell me and reassure me everything will be fine, but deep down the worry will always be there. Because people can say anything... and the opposite happens. It happens all the time. But moral of my shit story is I hate college. Boom, I said it. Sorry for being an asshole and sorry for the rant, but my life is utter shit. So Wattpad is my new rant page.