I despise humans. 
Therefore, I devour 'em all with my pinky finger and flung their hairless nose hole to Antarctica, as I lull 'em into a deep slumber. 

I seduce jesters with my undeniably odorless armpit, while chanting spells 'bout Lady Gaga's newly developed wrinkles.

I watch humans sleep at night - like an owl. -whispers- Actually, I'm the asian version of Edward Cullen. But don't tell anyone that! It's Top Secret!

-offers cookie-
Oh my papayas.. I'm so weird. -__-

I'm full oh shit, am I not?