Lars

im tired. i hope this will work. i hope i will be gone

I need to find a way to just curl up and die, maybe i should run away into the forest and starve to death there

I hate this new school but honestly i hated my old one all my friends had to move so i decided to move too, i feel bad for the ones i left behind because now i only have one irl but are they rlly my friend, everytime i vent everyone ignores me, but when they vent it makes me uncomfortable and idk what to do so i try my best to help even though i can't because im nothing but heartless arent I? i cant trust anyone my mom always pretends she is the victim saying she understands well if she understood she wouldnt be fucking comparing me to my brother, oh and yeah my brother fucking sexually assaulted me and she knows. and idk if the others happened or not because they never admitted it but i have memories of 2 of my other brothers doing it, my dad is a fucking sex addict, i cant ever feel normal, i cant cry in front of others, my mom and dad act as if they were never the reason why i felt like dying, my stepmom just made shit worse, my stepdad abused me when i was young and my mom did nothing, she fucking chose him over her own child, and when i come out to her im confused, but oh when my fucking brother who gave me ptsd comes out he is accepted, im not some fucking baby making machine.

i'm moving in with my mom, tommorrow is my birthday, i dont want to move schools, but maybe it is for the best, i'm going to have to get my stuff, i'll miss my dogs, especially lucky

TW VENTING: yippee i hate myself why can't i have parents who love me and each other and are happily married and have friends in which i do but i don't want to be a burden to them so im scared to vent, have brothers who are nice and not problematic, have my family support me, and not be scared of every single thing, i get scared to tell anyone what i need or want, i literally lie about everything i don't even feel safing EATING, i'm scared of death but i crave it, the only person who i felt like they actually loved me is dead, they have been dead ever since i was 7, i hate my birthday because it makes me remember that is another year i am alive, i feel selfish, i hate my body, my mind, my family, the whole world

i like this because then i can talk shit about my family or my life and no one will know who i am and honestly no one will prob give a fuck