HxxllyWxxd

Today I texted you a goodbye text not permanent but I hope from this something beautiful can bloom. I want you to achieve everything you’ve ever wanted to achieve and I just want to you to be happy. I love your forever and always untill we meet again love you lover

Why were you so quick to erase me I just don’t understand this all how you can promise a future just to rip it all away right before my birthday and our anniversary I’m never going to be able to get over this every year for the rest of my life I’m going to remember you leaving me at this time this isn’t fair it’s just traumatizing my heart is completely broken. I always asked because I just felt the shift and you wouldn’t tell me why did you wait all this time and do this now it just all feels like a sick joke. Please just make this pain go away I don’t want to keep waking up feeling this way I’d rather just not be here all I did wasn’t enough it was all for what. The love I gave everything I did the effort I put in what was it all for did you never feel it too? 

Today your getting my name covered and I never thought even after all this time everything would be discarded like it is. I keep going back and fourth in my mind about everything land it’s like i genuinely can’t let go and it’s like I’m forcing myself to keep hurting myself by asking questions and getting upset so I can hopefully snap out my attachment to you it’s crazy because you think I was the one with the tattoo but no the pull you have on me is just that crazy. I’m terrified of the thought of leaving you alone because I’m scared you’re going to find someone else when it should’ve been us. I don’t think I’ll be able to live with myself if you move on I’ll feel all the feelings you can feel in the book with that. I just want to know why and how I was to much I never understood when you said that so I did research. Was I too much because the seriousness of everything was getting overwhelming? Was I too much because you lost feelings in what way was it too much and so much to the point you just let go. Even after everything I’m trying and I know you want me to stop it’s just so so so hard the love and care I held for you was like the love I give to family you mean so much to me to just let go. I just don’t know why you weren’t scared to lose me too. :(

I just want you to try a little longer please I don’t wanna be here if it’s not with you I love you please try to fix thing please just don’t leave me alone I have no one but you. Yes I have friends and family but idk what it is they’re here for me but only surface level no one was there for me like you are even when we broke up the last time you were the only person to even help me get into a car and that made me falling in love even harder then I thought was possible I can’t let you go your all I have in this life please Bijan don’t leave me 

I send these to you here  because recently I’ve been blowing your phone up into 60,000 million different pieces and ik I’ve been kinda annoying because you don’t really answer me as much and sometimes even leave me on seen. Maybe I’m an idiot and I’ll tell you to read these and maybe I’ll just keep them here in secret hoping you’ll read them they make you think and hit me up a girl can dream am I right. But yeah I’m not gonna give up on you ever and like I always tell you ima keep going till I can’t no more you’ll have to find a way to get rid of me fr I don’t know what’s been going on in your head and what you’ve been thinking about what to do with me after everything but that simple fact you haven’t blocked me everywhere kinda gives me hope that you may just change your mind and come back to fix things and I pray everyday god gives me another chance at a lifetime with you and you do. I love you so so so much just please think about everything and really ask yourself is this something you’re willing to give up. For me it’s not and you have my heart fully it’s prob somewhere under your bed or something rn. But enough with jokes I do that to stop myself from getting emotional because I’d lie if I’d say I don’t cry for you. I lay in bed when I’m alone and doom scroll on ig or TikTok missing being able to talk to you, love on you even being able to annoy you a lil bit. I miss your eyes I miss your smile I miss your hugs I just yearn so hard you don’t even understand. Come home ☹️

I think about our journey everyday and that’s what gives me hope because I remember there was a time where we didn’t have the jobs that we had and we didn’t have the cars, friends nothing when it was just us. I stayed by your side I didn’t care because I knew your character and always had faith that we’d get through whatever it was even when it was financially hard. And you don’t understand how much of a motivation you are to me. The simple fact that there can be a future with you in it makes me strive harder because I want you to be with someone that is willing to go and work as hard as you as equals. Yes I have a will to succeed and make the most out of life but is it crazy that I feel like I already found my soulmate. I don’t understand it but that simple thought of you seeing you makes me happy. My heart skips a beat when I see someone in public like remotely similar to you and I can’t help but yearn for you every I wake up I just want us to be good I hate this. I can’t let you go I’m afraid that if I do you won’t come back to me and I can’t live a life without you in it I genuinely feel like without you I won’t have the motivation to keep going your my rock you keep me grounded. As much as I don’t need you financially and yes I can take care of myself but I need you because your everything I don’t have. You showed me love you showed me family community and peace and I will forever be great full to you for that because I never thought I’d have something like that. I know shit isn’t always easy with me but I want you and I want to make everything work I know we can I just need you to pull through for me and have that same faith don’t abandon me after all this time please just love me and never leave me please. 

You probably have wattpad deleted and probably will never see this. I know right now things aren’t perfect and it’s a rough time and even though on the outside you seem like your doing okay I know you enough to know your hurting too. Even though you have told me it’s over right now and that I should move on yk I won’t. The loud noise and the memories we haven’t even got the chance to make yet ring in my ears everyday. I crave you and your presence and I understand you’re an independent dude and value your space but it’s something I love about you. I can never give up on what we had and I’ve worked so hard to keep it together I can’t let you go I can’t lose you forever because a life without you by my side isn’t a life I want to live. I’m sorry if I’m over bearing but it’s just because no matter what I’ll always choose you through the good and the bad it’ll always be you and you only. So I’ll try and try again regardless of rejection because I’m hoping one day I’ll look back and think wow I really fought for this and it worked out while holding our first child. I love you so much Bijan and I hope you never forget that. Please stay fighting for us with me. Please don’t let us go.

Sloppy stat 

Gobble my glizzy on Tuesday 

Blackest person on wattpad