Fear Destroys You

Hey guys, I need to tell you about two things
          
          1a- I HAVE A POETRY CONTEST: if you are interested private message me, I'll give you the details and then my email so you can send it to me
          1b- If you win you'll get your poem in my book and maybe a copy of the book when it comes out (don't know if I'll get it published I'm a minor and broke)
          
          2- Making a new Wattpad account and kind of ditching this one, if you are interested in getting this new account, I will comment "new account" on this post in all caps

I like a guy, sure.
          I like a girl, why not?
          But why do I keep on handing the ones I love, away to someone else?
          Why do I make sure everyone leaves without me?
          Why do I force my loneliness without trying? 
          And then realizing it too late?
          Why do i tell myself that I am ugly, and fat, and unwanted?
          When I am not?
          Why do I point the finger to others when I should be appointing it upon myself?
          Yes, I'll admit it, I'm a sucker for pain.....
          But, why can't I just be happy, without making myself miserable again?
          

I'm done....... I try so hard...... And it just comes back to bite me in the ass... Its sad really..... I'm nice, to everyone...... I'm smart, I get Straight A's....... I can compose music..... I can play instruments...... I can draw..... And sing..... I have things anyone could want...... But a lot of people have something I don't have....... Like: no scars on their skin, someone to kiss them goodnight, a father who loves them, a significant other, someone who is always there for them.......
          
          But me? I am all on my own..... I have scars on my skin...... And nobody..... I have nobody......
          An I'm done.....

...... I'm done.... The one I loved is now ignoring me..... (or seems to be). And there is this girl, who acts like my friend, but ends up just using me, not to her advantage, but just to make my life hell. She hurts me, physically, and I can't tell anyone, and when I do, they don't do anything... I'm done with it.... People stealing my friends, my spot in their lives..... I'm done..... 
          
          And the one person I thought understood me.... Doesn't answer me.... Ever..... And I just feel so alone..... And I'm done...

OUR TIME ZONE DIFFERENCE IS SO BAD!!! I LOVE HER BUT OUR TIME SCHEDULES ARE SO DIFFERENT!!! It is like, 4 p.m. for her whilst it is 10 pm for me, and it really bothers me. SHE HAS LIKE A SIX HOUR DIFFERENCE FROM ME AND IT IS SO HARD... BUT I love her, and I would stay up late if it was for her <3
          No one has any clue who I am ranting about, but I don't care. She knows who she is.

It happened again, someone left me again. And it hurts, I mean, usually when your used to people leaving, it shouldn't phase you when they leave, but he was someone who promised he wouldn't leave... And that no one else would leave, and yet here I am again... With no friends... He broke his promise, and my heart...

So, I seem to keep on getting in fights with "friends". I have one girl, (the girl of my dreams) who I can trust, but.... Everyone else, they seem to get bored of me.... They just... Get up and leave, they stop telling me things, then we stop talking all together... I'm kinda tired of it. I'm just.... Tired.

So, there is this girl, I like her. Kind of. She is the best and worst thing in my life. And she is indecisive, one moment she is bisexual, like me, and the next she isn't. One moment we are cool, the next we hate each others guts. And it destroys me... What do I do?

Yay! Now everyone knows! Therapy! The best thing ever! Omfg, someone kill me now.
          I have talked to a lot of people about myself, but having my parents and the people I go to school with know, it is hard. I don't exactly love it. And now they want me to change. I like being alone sometimes, so what? It is better then being with a bunch of people who hate your guts.

I'm probably gonna go kill myself now, it isn't like any of you care. .-. Now time to pick and choose, 
          
          ·Razors
          
          ·Pistol
          
          ·Noose
          
          ·Pills and Alcohol
          
          ·jumping from really high up
          
          Hmm.... Wonder which one will win...