Lara Melek

SO in the off chance anyone stumbles across this account, this is probably going to become my new account and I have to start from scratch because i cant access my drafts. THIS IS FINE. anyway,, here's to eventually writing a book

hey hi i wanna write a real book is anyone alive out there

That’s okay! Experience isn’t everything and this place is great to start off and just have a good time :) I hope you enjoy year 8 xx

I know this looks like a lot but I was really picky for this ahaha. Keep up the good work, it’s an interesting story for sure!

-chapter 2: try not to add info about Luke like that, but instead, incorporate that into the story. 
          -perhaps he reads his name engraved on the door, under the title ‘Alpha’. Then bring in his story about how old he is and why he is an alpha so young. 
          -in the second paragraph: maybe “making me realise how happy my wolf feels.” Also try avoiding “...” unless used as hesitation in speech. (That’s just a personal preference though, see how you like the difference!)
          -in the 4th paragraph: I’m a little confused. Maybe fix the last sentence to something more like this “as long as I have her consent, I can do absolutely anything I please to this gorgeous woman.”
          -last line: and easy, silly mistake. I think Liam here is supposed the say Luke?
          

-Chapter 1: maybe add ‘P.O.V.’ after ‘Maddison’ to show this is not yet part of the chapter, just who’s point of view it is. 
          -try to separate new ideas into new paragraphs, your structure is very good  so that’s not a worry - all in good time!
          -not so important but - I’m not sure stilettos are proper interview attire. (You could use this for Luke’s description of her; “her appropriate outfit did nothing to hide her obvious, luscious curves.”
          -instead of ‘*’ to indicate time passing or an action (I did that a lot too lol), try showing, rather than telling. 
               -“I got in my car at 8:45 and, despite my speeding,  parked the car by 9:28.” (if it takes 40 minutes to drive and she sped, maybe change it to less than 43 minutes later.)
               -describe the place as you make your way to the third floor to describe the distance it took. 
          -with that in mind, the times are a little too tight, perhaps Maddy should wake up at 8:00

-the story description: perhaps remove “this is about” and begin with something like “a rogue werewolf, who was kicked out as a pup for... (continue)”
               -the brackets aren’t needed here, simply add commas.
                 “Her family, who she doesn’t remember, didn’t think..”
               -try and add some more info about your story, really sell your writing and this book! (Maybe hint at a climax/intense part of your story.)
          -if you don’t know what the complication of the story is yet, sit down for a bit and briefly plan it out, it can help you learn to understand your characters more, as well as some time to allow for little hints in you’re writing for what’s to come. 

I’m not an expert lol, but here goes.. (I tried to send it in one comment but it said it was too long ahaha)

Heya fellow being! xD

Thank you for voting for Never Forget About Me! I hope you enjoyed it and continue to enjoy my books. Be safe and be well <3