PrinxietyIsMyDrug

I have so much confusion on my own gender that I just... don't acknowledge.
          
          If I don't look at it, it can't hurt me.
          
          Do I feel like my agab? No.
          Do I know what gender even feels like? No.
          Do I often times wish I was the opposite gender? Yes.
          Do I often times wish I was a sexless entity roaming around the streets of a ghost town? Also yes.
          Do normal cos people usually feel like I do? I don't think so.
          
          Will this knowledge perhaps guide me down a road of self discovery? Nope! Gender is too complicated. I promise I'm cis.

Hi, I'm not sure if anyone needs to hear this but I feel it needs to be said. 
          
          You are allowed to be angry. When stuff happens (even small, inconsequential things. Or nothing at all!) you can get upset! Being angry is so stigmatized, with all this "forgive and forget" and "let go of anger, it will only bring you down". It's all bullshit. That might have worked for them but it might not work for you. Be angry! Be upset! Be frustrated, and pissed, and livid! Anger is NOT a bad thing. And it's actually really good fuel if wielded right. Do things out of spite of it helps you. You need to take care of yourself and that means being in tune with your emotions and acknowledging them. Scream into a pillow, hit something, kick, flail, write an angsty sonnet, rip up paper and then throw it in the air and kick all the pieces, go to the gym, listen to hardcore and angry songs, stab a marker repeatedly on paper and make art. Whatever. Don't let others dictate your feelings. Once you get through the bursts you'll be able to think more clearly, don't just suppress it and let it fester. You WILL implode/explode. 
          
          Also! This is for the people who feel obligated to only have happy emotions towards their loved ones: you can get mad at people and still love them. And vice versa. Even if something happened and it hurt you but nobody really meant any harm. You can be upset. Just because it wasn't intentional doesn't make it hurt any less. You can just be mad at the situation in general, nobody has to be singled out.
          
          I love you. And I want you to be happy, and that means being mad sometimes. All of the emotions, they are okay to feel. I promise. <333

...my Uber driver is listening to a true crime podcast.... They're talking about finding the remains of the victims... Arms, legs, even some dentures... Help.

When somebody starts off the conversation about something I love with a "do you want me to be honest?" The answer is usually NO.

Oh sure, when a fictional character thinks that they are in a book they are "observant" and "breaking the fourth wall", but when I think I'm in a book I'm "delusional" and "unable to tell fiction from reality". Smh these double standards ಠ⁠︵⁠ಠ

If everybody who has a crush on me could just stop having a crush on me, that would be great.

*Tells my friend about something I hate that people do*
          
          My friend: "oh, I do that.*
          
          Me: "...oh... Um. Yeah I know... I wasn't talking about you though, just... Other people."

HEY!!!! YOU!!!
          Yes, you!
          
          Stop right there and take a good hard look at yourself! 
          Doing it?
          Okay.
          
          Now as you're doing so, take a moment to appreciate what you've done. And I KNOW that you've done something because only living people can read this and living is definitely something.
          
          Just take a moment to be proud of yourself. Life is tough and we have to do hard things. But you got up, even if it was just to get your phone and lay back down. Even if it was just moving your fingers to scroll. You freaking did something. And if you're not proud of yourself, I am. Because you're still here, and that's enough.

Antidepressants are weird because something happens and I don't care. I don't feel anything. But not in a depressed way, where I don't CARE but I still get a cold hollowness is my chest that makes me sink further. I'm just not affected. My mood isn't altered in the slightest. It's both liberating and suffocating at the same time. Like someone is constantly holding my depression underwater, making it breath in hoards of waves everytime it tries to make a remark. And even when it's let up to breath, its lungs are too full of the sea to make any real comment. It just coughs and sputters out ignorable utterances.

All the sides: I just want to do what's best for Thomas
          
          Remus: jUmP oUt Of A cAr