I am not familiar with how I feel anymore. Before, I only thought I felt depressed, and lonely. That was, until I convinced myself I wasn't. I said to myself: "You're Just bored." or "You need to do something new, exciting."
I think back then, I was lying to myself. I guess I was denial, It wasn't that long ago, people may explain the five stages of grief, But they don't explain how long it lasts. Its been two years, and I am only in stage two, Anger. I still have three more, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I often still have stages of denial, It could possibly mean that I had just entered the anger stage.
Within the past few weeks, I have been having out bursts at the littlest things, I'll argue with people, Especially my parents(Half of these arguments are caused by them, however I used to never fight back.)
I can't be as open as I was. It just has been so hard with betrayals and lies said to me. It just is too much for me to deal with. I keep considering turning of the lights, and I'm holding myself back, but I can't even name three reasons to stay. Home doesn't feel like home. Friends don't feel like friends. Nothings the same. I wish our parents taught us that everything would change soon enough, That everything wouldn't be all bright and dandy.
People keep lying and say they need me, but do they really?
I feel so useless because I can't do anything for my friends, my lover, or my family...
I'm numb, I lost myself. I can't feel anything. I only feel.. Sadness, pity, emptiness, despair, and guilt.
Ï̴̎t̶̛͝s̸̏͘ ̸̏̈́m̶̃̊y̶̾́ ̴̑̓f̸̓̈a̴̓̒ũ̸̐l̷̓͝ť̸͗ ̷̉̏ ̵̏͆f̶̈̉ô̷̌ř̴̓ ̵́̅ȅ̸̅v̵͂̇è̴͑r̸͑͝ȳ̶͐o̷͊͒ǹ̵̖é̴͒s̶̽͝ ̸͂͆p̸͑̔r̸̈́͒o̸̒̓b̸̛́l̸͊̚è̵̈́m̴̀̎s
