ILUVEMYMUICHIRO

Hey whats up? Ur pfp is so cute!!( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡ hope we can be friends!

I'm literally telling you right now, the Universe has it out for me.
          
          So basically what happened was my mom, eralier in spring came to me and said "Oh, Mimi, that flower you really love, Lily of palay or something is outside between that neighbour's house and ours!" And I scream and I'm like "WHAT?! I DIDN'T THINK LILY OF THE VALLEY GROWS HERE!" so I run outside between my house and the neighbours house and right in front of me are these beautiful bright pink BLEEDING HEARTS. NOT. LILY. OF. THE. VALLEY. I'm slightly dissapointed by this OBVIOUSLY but I'm also  awestruck because I've also never seen this flower in person before, so I take a few photos and that's the end of it. 
          
          So last night, my mom and I are going through her gallery looking for photos of me right, and I see a glimpse of white bells and green, so immediately I scroll back up and click on the photo, and I scream, mom calls me crazy, anyways, I'm here like "WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS, WHY  DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!" And I'm full out panicking here and she's like "Like I said, In between our house and the neighbours, they were on our side." And the photo looked so pretty and I asked her "you didn't touch it, did you?" and she said no, which is good cause I've told her before it's very poisonous to touch and just leave it on your skin without washing it thoruoghly, or if injested. (people still use them ofc as long as they wash really well after, and apparently it smells really good too!) so this morning, I RUN outside to witness with my own two eyes, and you'll never believe it. IT. WAS. RIGHT. BEHIND. ME. When I was taking those photos of the bleeding hearts, I could've simply looked behind me and would've saw my favorite flower, but nooooo that can't happen. This morning I saw that they were dead, like there were no flowers at all, just one bell, I think even the berries died, which I hope none of the squirrles ate them. But yeah!
          The Universe hates me! Be SAFE from plants please mls! ILASM! 
          -Mimi <3

MUUIII

Heyy, guess who's back?
          
          I think everything is getting worse for me physically and mentally. But I'll get into that later, let me update y'all with everythng...
          Soo, my tendonitis in both my wrists, turned into "on-off tendonitis" basically meaning that it "goes away" with rest, but comes back with "strain" although my doctor said "work" not strain-that's the word my brother used for it, & it doesn't even go away anymore, it's just painful all the time, from a scale of 1-10. & I can't even complain about it because if I mention it, I'm bluffing. No one will belive me, hooray!
          I don't know how my family is doing back in Syria, but they say they're doing okay, showing brave smiles & laughs and all that fake shit. My grandma was kind enough to ship a cute little pajama set to me. I smelled it, and cried myself to sleep, yay! 
          My violin test is idk when, but I skipped an entire level to catch up cause "I've been slacking since I started" sorry my dad's my teacher, what'd you expect? I jumped from intermediate to professional with only a few months to practice & a constant jabbing pain in both my wrists. That's something that was super draining for me. It isn't like I broke a bone, & could wait for it to heal and get back to my life. No, it's always there, & it's always going to be there unless I never use my wrists again. I lose so much because of it. I lost motivation in everything; painting, art in general, badminton, volleyball, dancing, violin. Everything. I can't do pushups because it strains my wrists, & I can't even do a proper sit up because it hurts to keep my hands behind my head for a while like that. Just my luck, yay!
          & that led to me realizing something, I've gained weight, when trying to lose. It isn't that noticable, just  2 extra kg, but all that hard work is going away. I used to have such slim ankles and fit thighs—even if slightly oversized, I was fine with it since they were all muscle, I can't workout because it hurts my wrists. . . .

Idk why, but I've lost all my motivation....
          
          I can't even make the bed when I get up, I have an unfinished painting I started months ago.... There's two laundry piles waiting to be put away in my room....
          I need to practice violin and pass my exam by the summer, yet I've only gotten three quarters of my first piece done and two to four scales done out of an entire booklet, and 4 pieces. 
          
          I can't bring myself to play, I can't bring myself to write, I can't help but cry and doom scroll and "listen" to my dad telling me I'm not doing anything with my life. 
          
          I'm worried my depression might be coming back, and it isn't even because of your shitty MY life is. I'm grateful, I have family, friends, school, clothes, food, a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in. 
          
          But I can't help but cry, for the innocent people that were slaughtered and tortured to death. 
          
          I can't take it anymore...I can't even bring myself to make coffee, or eat. My last proper meal? Gosh, I don't know? 
          
          ....

Really quick Stuart update! 
          
          After I gave the divorce form I wrote with the fancy writing to my friend in Stuart's group...
          
          She went to him during drama today and showed it to him, and said I wrote it, and then she said that Stuart looked over to me and smiled at me???!!!
          
          I was busy with my own group and stuff so I didn't notice it. 
          
          BUT STUART'S BEEN SMILING AT ME A LOT MORE THAN LAST YEAR WTF? I THINK LAST YEAR HE'S ONLY SMILED AT ME TWICE? 
          
          NOW, I'VE LOST COUNT???

Sooooo ummmm,
          
          WHY IS HEESUNG LEAVING?! 
          
          WHEN MY FRIEND TOLD ME, I SCREAMED? THEN MY STAY FRIEND CAME FROM BEHIND ME AND SAID 
          "I heard "Heesung" I'm going to have you to stop because I don't want to cry" or something like that, it was really funny.
          
          BUT HEESUNG!! HE WAS MY FIRST BIAS BRO....
          
          AND THAT ONE YOUTUBER WITH THE RED HAIR WHO'S LIKE HEESUNG BIASED ALL THE WAY, I THINK HER NAME WAS COCO???? BRO HER LATEST VIDEO ALMOST MADE ME CRYYYY
          
          
          Speaking seriously though, I love ENHYPHEN, I hope they can stay in touch, I hope they aren't in bad terms, I Hope Heesung's solo career sky rockets, I hope none of the two sides gets hate, and yeah, I wish the best to both.
          
          ENHYPHEN helped me with their music, and their song "fatal trouble" was my most listened to on Spotify wrapped, with I think over 99 listens to it??? Keep in mind that's only on Spotify and not YouTube music.

STUART UPDATE! 
          
          HE ASKED ME OUT!
          
          
          
          
          
          Jkjk he didn't actually....sadly...
          
          But I interacted with him! In drama class, we have a prop stretcher on wheels. And Stuart was using it. So I came up to him and asked "Can I ask a question about that? Do you think it props up? *Using arms as demonstration* You know?"
          And he went "I don't know, let's try!" He just seemed in a happy mood today which made me happy as well. And we spent like a solid three minutes trying to figure it out together. 
          I remember one of the kids in his group, We'll call him "L" was lifting up the matress, so I thought he got it, and I said "Oh, you got it!" 
          And he said  "Nooo I'm just doing that" He was actually lifting it with his hands so  we all started laughing and BRO STUART'S CHUCKLE OMG I WANT TO MAKE HIM LAUGH LIKE THAT EVERYDAY.
          Anyways after working on it and getting it with the help of Kevin as well Stuart groand and said "Finally, now I can lay down properly!" And he layed down on it, then L came over and pulled it back down WHILE Stuart was laying down, so he jerked kinda and L said "No, it needs to be down since your dead" 
          And I chuckled saying "Aww noo, you're dead again?" Obviously he knew what I was talking about, because yesterday, I was braiding my friend's hair, and she was in his group (She's divorcing him, and I got to write the divore papers, she likes my font. So I made sure to write his name EXTRA fancy!) And when I heard that he dies, I looked at him smiling and went "You die in literally every show, no?" 
          And he chuckled then said "Yeah." And then he was looking back and forth to me and Kevin saying "The old grandpa? Dead!" (He was in my group last year when that happened.) "Lord Farquaad? Dead! Now? Dead!" It was really funny, and I think these two past days were just really good for the both of us seperatly since we were both in happy moods!
          
          And yeah! ( I really do hope he asks me out eventually)

R u still alive?? Cause I am. 

Today during drama, he sneezed twice, both times I said bless you, either he didn't hear me, which I wouldn't be surprised because bro's deaf af, or he ignored me. Sooooo yeah. 
          
          Please end my suffering now, I want to cry. 
          
          ALSO! today, @BridgetStrayKids and I were planning something for drama, and I hid in a prop locker, and she told me "hold on, I'll grab the rest of the group, stay in there, and when I Bang on the locker, pop your head out" 
          And so I did exactly as she said, and when I popped my head out, I didn't expect to see Stuart in my face as well with a prop stretcher, and he was on top, and I was crouched down, and I basically crawled out of the locker very awkwardly and he was staring at me the entire time. I was embarrassed so I told him, we'd put the stretcher away so he could leave. 
          
          Please help me
          I can't do this any longer. . .