Minecraftdragon2023
Hey how are you?
ILuvSmile
ILuvSmile
Anyone else just living and hating life? I have a very distinct memory of multiple near death incidents, but according to my mother they never happened, as someone who's recently began to hallucinate it's a bit depressing to think either my parents sucked at being parents and never watched me, or I've been hallucinating since before I was 3.
Minecraftdragon2023
@ILuvSmile Hey I am so sorry I've been gone. I miss you. And I am so sorry for everything.
ILuvSmile
this message may be offensive
If I'm being honest, I'm so bored with life I just wish to die. I can't though. I can't die, I'm terrified because I know if I kill myself I go to Hell. If I get caught cutting I lose my dogs. If I die my parents kill themselves because of me. If I try getting help I get worse. If I tell my help the whole truth I get horrified looks and a ticket to a psych ward.
Fun fact- I went to therapy for a year, I ended up getting worse, and better yet, my therapist contacted my parents and tried putting me in a psych ward.
SandyFrogLegs
@ILuvSmile there are so many things I want to reassure you but I don't know how to say them, I know this line is repetitive and you might not ever believe it. But it will get better, if you're given an outcome you don't like, just know you were put there for a reason, who knows, maybe you'll meet someone who will make you feel again, make you feel like you belong. You will always matter, just know that you're stronger than 10% of the population having been able to admit this to people. You are a strong person, amazing too. Don't give up just because your brain tells you too, your heart is still beating and telling you to live. Its all gonna be okay <3
ILuvSmile
Hey, I apologize for never updating. I also apologize to those who read this rediculous post. I'm not in a good place, I can't feel emotion, all I have is a constant nagging that won't go away, making me long to feel, but even for emotions like pain they don't last more than 5 minutes. And I'm really struggling with it, I know I sound pathetic, believe me, I'm so pathetic I cry over not having the ability to feel pain or suffering, I cry over not being able to get excited. I cry over my inability to do anything but fail. I cry over the suffering I cause others. I cry, and cry, and cry, yet I don't feel as I cry. It's like my body is reacting to the emotions I could have. I cry over the fact my past haunts me yet I have no reaction. I cry over the fact I laugh at my trauma. I cry over the fact no one cares enough about me to remember my traumas. So please excuse my absence, I know I'm failing you all. But I don't know how to stop being such a failure.
ILuvSmile
I advise you search up your username on 'Teenfic', a story of mine has been stolen, and I'm not the only one this has happened to.
ILuvSmile
Anyone else ever feel like they out read wattpad.
ILuvSmile
@Minecraftdragon2023 It's annoying, I started reading and about an hour ago I had 19 books, I finished the newest book to find I have 9 left.