IWILLNOTTELLMY_NAME

it has been a while. im mostly on ao3 now. funzies

IWILLNOTTELLMY_NAME1

Ya'll, I lost my account, I think I deleted my Google account on accident and legit can't get on this. I also wanted to point out that I'm in a much better mindset and am now focusing on my neglected medical issues. also I have a partner and he has been the best thing to me even when I have the weirdest interests. I'm no longer a therapist friend and am not struggling which has significantly improved my well bring. Anyway toodles

IWILLNOTTELLMY_NAME

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My girlfriend broke up with me and were still friends but I want to be in a relationship, I want to feel loved and having to remember I was treated as a friend in my relationship with her and that hurts me so much, was I not good enough? I cant talk to people because I feel as though I'm complaining and talking to much and the people who I freely do that with has broken up with me and now are ignoring me or are grounded and I can't reach them. whenever I get excited about something or find something interesting, I automatically share it with my ex..while now friend but I'm starting to get ignored and put on read, I just want something, she says she loves me but I don't know if I can believe that. she told me it hurt her more then me but... how can I just stop automatically doing stuff that I did when we were a couple, how can she except a gift when she was planning on breaking up with me. we were 2 months away for 2 years... am I just that over bearing. this must be so fucking easy for her with her, " oh I dont need your affection" shit. I should've seen this coming..

IWILLNOTTELLMY_NAME

I'm a sensitive bitch baby, this is lovely indeed, wish I could get over my insecurities and allow my girlfriend to have a healthy relationship. I always feel like I'm guilt tripping her. I'm trying to keep certain things in because we already dealt with them. Im probably just jealous of certain someone, im afraid she would leave me to actually have a better relationship. She's not like that but.. there's doubt there ig. I just dont know why she chose me, I maybe look pleasing to the damn eye, even though I hate myself for that (always looks for compliments, stupid right ?).. wish I could get complimented more by her. That'd be cool. I've already wrote a whole damn paragraph out but I backed out. 
          
          Wish I could be secure. I hate myself for doubting them..just, you never really know. I..don't know anymore. I always feel like an attention hog, probs am. 
          Lookkkkk haha im being a damn fish looking for compliments... 
          
          Nom i guess, really got caught by the hook

IWILLNOTTELLMY_NAME

this message may be offensive 
I fucking love my girlfriend family, they know I've had a shifty past and they decided to get me a kindle 10 so I can actually use it and not have, " this system doesn't allow" etc shit. I had a iPad 1 or 3 before. My father gave it to me for my birthday, only true gift besides a free packet of legos he would get and send it too me. Im pretty sure he wanted us to turn our backs on mom since that was the first real electronic that we first got. Anyway, they want to replace my things that have bad memories and or replaces bad memories and significantly bad ones for good ones. Im incredibly lucky that my girlfriend showed interest in my short ass

IWILLNOTTELLMY_NAME

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How the fuck can I act out an emotional scene from a book, tears and all. Fucking like, 
          " M...ooom please.. ple-...*Sob and sniff* come back... im sorry I'm...sorRy,  MOOM PLEASE- *sobs and sobs and sniffles* im such a fucking idiot- if only I could've saved yooou. Im sorryy.plese...please come backkkk,* Gasp for air* " 
          Etc. 
          But in real life I just stay silent and sniffle while just wanting to die? 
          Thats makes no fucking sense whatsoever
          I-