Bear

WELP MY STUPID A$$ PHONE DECIDED NOT TO BACKUP EVERYTHING SO NOW I LOST ALL MY MESSAGING DATA
          
          genuinely I'm so tired and I'm just crying constantly at this point I can't cope with this I hate this new phone already I want to restart this day.

Almost had a heart attack (again). Just switched to a new phone and my phone wouldn't log in without a password and I couldn't remember it but I tried 6 times and got it 

I wish I could go back in time and reassure younger me that grades in highschool didnt matter. I was already ahead of the average student and I would be receiving Dean's List in college for 4 semesters in a row, 4.0 gpa and everything. That 2 of the AP exam didnt matter, those Bs and failed exams for AP classes and Spanish classes that my parents forced me into meant nothing in the long run. It would have saved me if I had known that it would be okay.

Turns out i didnt need to cry and throwup over this class because she just gave us all 100s anyways 

GUYS!!! 
          
          In my college of Ed, we have this important milestone of getting a name badge and I officially have mine now! It is supposed to be the beginning of our professional career and signify our commitment to education. I am genuinely so happy, I have been looking at it all day/wearing it randomly

Life is so not pog rn and I hate everything

When you get to be my age (20 and a half), you start getting to the point in your life where you have to lay at an incline of over 45 because ur gonna throwup from stress if not
          
          So there is a fun tip for yall youngins

How crappy do you have to be to not ask how someone else is? My roommate (not the suitemate I had a fight with) told me she has been having a rough time since Tuesday. If she had even looked at me or around, she would see that I have been struggling too. I relapsed last night, I am barely around, and I dont want to talk with her. I waited for her to ask but she said nothing and turned away to go to bed. Shes been asleep all day long. I am far beyond okay and I have been struggling to come up with goals for the future because it seems impossible.

Had a horrible fight with a suitemate. I cant do this

TW: sensitive subject, su!cide mentioned
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          So.... a kid jumped off of the parking garage today. 
          
          I saw this guy everyday, just passing by as we live out lives. I knew he was pretty out there with joining clubs and organizations. We were instructed to stay away from the parking garage but I knew immediately what had happened.
          
          I know its horrible but I feel jealous. 
          
          Life just sucks at the moment and there have been times I would sit at the top floor of the very same garage and wonder what it would be like. Literally today I was convinced life wouldnt get better and I almost grabbed energy drinks to overd*se like I have tried to do before. Instead, we got the message and I just feel so guilty. Everyone I know is so upset and worried and I just know they would be even more worried if it was me. I just want to scream. 
          
          I do feel really guilty though that he had suffered and most likely needed a hand. I just have been going through my head, trying to remember if I have seen him upset or in a low place, if there was any way I could know. I know realistically, I would have never been in a class with him and I would have never been in the situation to interact with him but yeah. 
          
          I guess this proves that we should look out for each other regardless if we know for sure that someone is doing alright or not.