Some people are alive, only because it's illegal to kill them.

Whenever I have a problem, I just sing, then I realize my voice is worse than my problem.

I wonder what happens when the doctor's wife eats an apple a day...

Where the hell am I, and how did I get here?

Warning!!! I know KARATE and few other oriental words.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

1f you c4n r34d 7h15, you r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d.

Sometimes one middle finger isn't enough to let someone know how you feel. That's why you have two hands.

The only reason I am fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.

Exercise, ex...er...cise, ex...ar...cise, eggs are sides, for BACON!

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Save paper, don't do homework.

Are you a banker, because I'd like you to leave me a loan.