As time passed by, I realized that I slowly ran out of ideas and energy to move my hand again. Whether to write using a pen or by the keyboard. It's getting boring to me. Perhaps because I lost the motivation in real life too. My 8th grade syndrome vanished and so does the spark and imaginations my mind made.
Now, real life stories often come up to me like
“how am I gonna survive this and that?”
“why is everything so hard?”
“Why can't I do that?”
“I’m smart but my english skills were just too dull and cumbersome.”
Everything just felt exhausting. Lately, I've been trying to read a lot of books. Not to read the story but to enlighten and improve my writing skills and grammar. But, in the end, I just couldn't. Reading these old novels was tiring. I couldn't understand every paragraph since it's all written in an old writing style like those 90’s romance novels. Idk anymore. There was no comprehension.
..... But I do want to write my stories. But after reading my drafts, I just realized that it's all very boring. It was disappointing to read my work. It was so bad that I mostly rely on AI to paraphrase my drafts to make it better or longer. I felt guilty doing that. I dunno anymore.
My fictious imagination seemed to be disappearing as I stepped farther in this harsh reality. I wanted to write. I wanted to have my story an ending. Or maybe I really have no talent in writing? Beats me, I hope that spirit I had in those past years will come back. That motivation, that spark, that imagination, ......everything.
Lord, please help me get back my to my writing.