Funny Quotes that I would say all the time:

My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
When life knocks you down… Calmly get back up, smile, and very politely say, “You hit like a b*tch.”
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
okay = everything’s cool.
okay? = you make no sense.
okay… = you’re creepy.
okayy = i don’t care.
Okay. = i’m so pissed off.
Every time I pull a flash drive out of a computer I feel like a spy.
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you’re bound to get burned.

(\_/)
( '_')
(> )>o I was going to give you this cookie
U..U
.... (\_/)
.... ('_')
.o<( <) But then i was like...                   
.... U..U
...(\__/)
.(O__O)
.. (>o<) ITS MY DAMN COOKIE!
...U...U
(\_/)
( '_')
(> )>o Then I said sharing is caring....
U..U
.... (\_/)
.... ('_' )
.o<( <) But then I thought about it and realized
....U..U
... (\_/)
.(O__O)
.  (>o<) I  FREAKING  LOVE COOKIES!!
...(\_/)
. (^_^)
. (> <) So then I ate it...Hope you're not mad.