this message may be offensive
For the amount of times I've mentioned my daddy issues and how absolutely shitty my dad is, I have to admit that there have been good moments where I was having fun
But the thing with that man is that every moment is like a minefield, one wrong step and it'll explode. Everything he does isn't out of care or for my well being, it's control. He wakes us up early and send us to sleep early not because he wants us to have a good sleep schedule but because he wants control to soothe his fragile ego
Every single moment with him I'm reminded of the fact that when he found out I was having panic attacks, he came and got mad at me because I didn't tell him and only told my mom (bc duh why would I tell the reason I have panic attacks that I have panic attacks) and it may seem like a small thing to someone else but for me it completely ruined every single interaction with him
I can't even joke around with him without finding it exhausting or annoying
Nothing he does is out of care for us, only the need to control so he can cherish his toxic fucking masculinity
If I don't laugh at a joke or get uncomfortable at something he does I'm "always serious" but if I make a joke or say something he doesn't like I'm "too much" or "weird"
If I try to parent my sister like CONDITIONED me to do by telling her not do so
