Vanity_Creator

My cousin complained to me about manspreading. And only talks to me to complain for hours, no matter how small something is. I'm already thinking of ghosting her, and her constant woke arguments will be good ammunition against her. Also she's one of the people who keep taking the side of my sperm donor while also using me as a free therapist. So it's her fault. I'm so angry I've become calm.

Again, I have to say something. Don't read if sexual abuse triggers you. I only ever announce things to complain since everyone in my family has failed me.
          
          Being treated like a sex object by who I'll call "My spermdonor", has effected me bad. Then who I'll call "My birthing person" has only defended him. The day I told him to stop touching my ass, she got angry with me. I hate them both. If they died, I'd be free. My birthing person even found it funny when it was happening. I've had suicidal thoughts as I keep myself in my room most of the day. I'd never kill myself. As a Christian, I doubt I could go to heaven that way. I will never kill myself, but I just don't want to live. I love you all. You are far better than them, and I wish to be near those who actually make me happier. The only time I'm happy is when I'm playing Wuthering Waves. I've even got gender dysphoria. I'm disgusted at being a girl, wishing my disgusting female form would just tear off of me. But even if I was a guy, it wouldn't be enough. I don't want a physical form. I foolishly thought I was non binary. I don't want a body. I was doing a good job at slowly controlling my weight, but as the depression sunk in, I've gained weight. Because I want to look ugly. I'd never off myself to be clear. I'm just too sad.

This place is just a vent place about my 'dad' fir me. He made me cry at Christmas and my mother doesn't do anything to help. I fucking hate my family. My friends on wattpad are far better because they actually care about how I feel. My dad used to touch me, and not even that made my family try to help. So to anybody who listened to one word, thank you. Even if it's annoying to hear me only complain, thank you for listening. You're contributing far more than my family has.

More whining. My cousin once saw me crying because I tried venting to my dad. "Your dad loves. You. You know that, right?" Absolutely crushed any trust I had. Till I started almost trusted her again. She told me the same thing. She said I'm lucky he wasn't a deadbeat. If he wasn't in my life, I wouldn't have gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia.

I have an announcement to thank you all. I can't tell anyone but you guys of my father issues. I'm sure talking about it everytime I make an announcement is annoying. And I'm thankful for listeners. My cousin claims to have my back but she'll defend him no matter what I say. And even if you skip this message, I'm glad it's on your announcement list. I'm glad there are people who Will listen and comfort me. I've talked about it many times and will do do again. That's how much I trust you all.

Hey we still good? It's been a while 

Finally. An announcement which isn't an emotional meltdown.
          
          
          I have a webtoon with almost ten chapters. It's about a little girl escaping prison and she finds an adult to seek refuge with. But it's Lucifer.
          
          https://www.webtoons.com/en/canvas/bittersweet-tragedy-vol-one/list?title_no=978359

Feel free to ignore, I only ever post announcements to talk about my trauma since I don't have anyone else to go to.
          
          My dad is the reason I have gender dysphoria,  body dysmorphia, PTSD, crying at night, and wishing I never existed. I have to face reality knowing everyone adores him. I have to be told to love him, not matter all the hands that were put on me. I'll feel better in the morning, but I'm just so upset now

Here's something crazy: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fWacVNAetGg&pp=ygUcdGltIGJ1cnRvbiBoYW5zZWwgYW5kIGdyZXRlbA%3D%3D

thank you for the support <3
          
          -madi