Audrey

hey doll! I just wanted to let you know that I love you! let me know when you log on and see this! <3

I haven't been on in over a month. In fact, I deleted this app for the majority of that time, but I felt the need to return before 2016 is up. As I write this, there are 40 minutes till midnight, till 2017. Last year, I spent New Years on a massive phone call (50ish) and I only new 2 people (who barely spoke to me before everyone was talking over each other.  This year I'm spending it with a beloved friend of mine. I think I accomplished a lot this year, but I wish to do more. And I hope that I get the opportunity to do more. 
          
          Happy Holidays everybody!
          Audrey.

You know that feeling when you're crying and you start having breath spasms, then you control your heavy breathing and you're just silently letting hot tears roll down your cheeks? Yeah, I know that feeling.

I feel so nostalgic, and because I feel so nostalgic, I feel like I need to cry. And I did cry today (specifically half an hour), but not about feeling nostalgic.

How can someone actually think I can physically exhaust myself when I'm already mentally exhausted?

I love when I smile for no reason. And it's a real smile. A happy smile. A big smile. A smile that has been confined for so long. My smile.

15 years ago, today.

Last night, I had a dream where the world of Star Wars was a secret in the time of Western civilization. I was a sith pretending to be a cowboy (I was a man in the dream, idk). It was so weird because one moment I was slicing someone and the next I wad laughing with "the boys". Suddenly 6 months skipped by because one of the cowboy(men) asked me how the 6 months away were. And I replied that my time on the plantation was tough but alright.
          
          I honestly have no clue what that dream even meant and it was so confusing.

Sometimes I just want to climb into the brains of some people so I can see and understand all the beautiful and creative things that blossom and grow in there.

I feel like I've lost my interest in this.