InfinitelyPie

Just posted chapter four (a Jhae chapter) of Halo. If you happen to give it a read, feel free to let me know what needs work. I have a tendency to rewrite and over-edit until I can’t tell what sounds right/good anymore, so feedback is incredibly helpful. Thanks!

francescamercieca

@InfinitelyPie  I do that as well sometimes . I Will have a look at it. :)
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francescamercieca

Just read chapter 2 I really enjoyed it. You are very talented.  I really enjoyed the part where you where describing the camel,it was so realistic !!! I would include the camel's name right away as you mention him. I liked the use of italics and i really loved the expression Stab first and ask quetions never. Finally when you say she took her weapon you wrote he by mistake and it took me a while to realise what the sentence ment. GREAT CHAPTER !!! Will be reading more and let you know what I think :)

InfinitelyPie

@francescamercieca Thank you so much for this. I've reworked the bit introducing the camel multiple times, and I'm just never quite happy with it, but you made a really good point which should help with the next rewrite. Thanks!
• Reply

InfinitelyPie

Just posted chapter four (a Jhae chapter) of Halo. If you happen to give it a read, feel free to let me know what needs work. I have a tendency to rewrite and over-edit until I can’t tell what sounds right/good anymore, so feedback is incredibly helpful. Thanks!

francescamercieca

@InfinitelyPie  I do that as well sometimes . I Will have a look at it. :)
• Reply