Jasmine

Once I was the girl that looked from the outside. The girl with a bird's eye view. Once I was the girl that peered through telescopes while those around peered through fog. Now? I peer through fog knowing what lays beyond because I've seen it before, but peering through fog nonetheless. There is no clarity. I follow the star in my memory, I follow the map in my mind while the world I see is full of fog. How must I make it through the fog? How must I make through the fog without relying on my memories and seeing through telescopes and beyond again? To forgo my mental map. To disconnect from the past. To figure out my way through the fog PRESENTLY. No relying on models of 2023. I must relearn to fly NOW, not reminisce about the time I once was able to. 
          
          Many things overwhelm you Jas. Problems aren't a problem. Problems are things that require your attention. Problems are what life is about. And you're all about solving them, remember? This is kinda turning into a pep talk but like. The way to clear the fog is to confront it. You will not magically fly, you will not magically see beyond. Relying on your past visions and heights to make sense of the world around you will NEVER be the same as actually being at those heights and with that vision. Girl, you must do it on your own. The problem you have is here and now. Past solutions don't solve present problems, present solutions do. Work on the present and I am sure you will not only match the past, but continue on the trajectory and surpass it. Soar, girl. Fly. Beat your wings. Coming up with a completely new solution is your only way to success.

In the span of 5 short months I have went from being chained and tortured in the middle of nowhere, to taking a series of flights to freedom, to getting high-key adopted...
          
          They are saved, some. Some are saved. Some are still out there. I have made it. I love my mom so much I love her I love her I love her...omggg momm i love her she really did become my mother. As every day passes I love her more and more!! As for T, it's getting there I guess. But :D. I love you, mom!

I'm glad to be alive. I'm so glad. I understand now. If I didn't go through any hardships, I would've never made it where I am today. I would've never achieved this happiness. And there's so much more happiness to look forward to. It sounds almost sickly twisted to say, but I'm grateful for the hard times I've had, and especially for making it through them. I would not be here if I weren't desperately trying to claw my way out of pain. After 3 years, since 8th grade, I can truly now say, that I feel completely myself. That I feel happy. That I am brave. I can look the younger me in the eye, and not feel guilty about not making her happy. She can proudly look up to me. It's all so surreal. Even just 4 months ago...I would've never imagined that I had made it so far. What even is this life, man? The more time that passes, the more things seem accelerated. I'm proud to be me, I'm proud, proud, proud. It's a feeling I've never felt before. Self-love. I never realized how desperately I lacked it. It's almost like, as soon as I am comfortable with myself and in top condition mentally, I can love and focus on people and things that matter to me MUCH MUCH MUCH better than ever before. It's effortless. I've achieved your goals, 8&9th grade me. Maybe this isn't who you imagined probably xD, but everything you wished to have felt, I feel it. I will never be the same after this. Never. I can confidently say the chapter of my cycles of depression and regression are over, I've gone through the point of no return, and I'm braver still. Now I know I usually talk to the future me who reads this in these posts, but like, I don't have any expectations of you tbh xD. I know you'll do what needs to be done. So. Whenever you read this Jazzy, however many months into the future it may be, report back to me. Know how much I believe in you, but I'm sure you already know that. This feeling seems permanent. Future Jas, GOOD LUCK!!! YOUR LIFE IS EVEN BETTER THAN MINE BUT GOOD LUCK!!! CHEERS!!!

@Vampi_kik Yeah I'm a girl :)

The past 5 days....holy fuck the past 5 days. From actually genuinely killing myself due to my severe, severe, sr evere dysphoria, to, to being blessed with ely....am I living a dream? This can't be real....I was about to kill myself less than 4 days ago...and now I want to live so badly to meet up with her? Is this normal? Is this a miracle? Future me, no matter what happens, never ever forget what Ely did for you. NEVER. No matter what. I'm just gonna end up ranting from here on out, so, I'll cut it short. Love ya Ely, maybe one day we'll read these together <3

Read all ur entries from the beginning I can rlly see the self development and understanding as u matured u had a long way ahead of you 
          Rest in peace 
          
          Love, light jaydah

rest in peace

So I saw some people were planning to spam you and deciding to join , cuh why not?

You’re so real on your boards. I always thought you was on some weird stuff but as I read it you was always speaking facts. MANNN ARE U DEAD FR?? LIKE WHAT? YOU WERE MY BESTIE…YOU CANT LEAVE ME MANN

umm did you kill yourself?