Inktzwart
goth music really has THE most pathetic lyrics when they're love songs by men for women. and a little too when they're by women. they're bangers but they're also so so stupid
Inktzwart
Inktzwart
i never really wanted to be peter's lover and can't really imagine what that would even look like because from my earliest memories on i always wanted to be HIM but then people kept genderbending him or accusing me of having a crush on him so i kinda just went "yeah sure i guess he's a crush" and then i'd write about us having one soul and essentially the same person so i could say i was peter pan himself without having to explain i wanted to be him while he was still a guy because for some reason adults couldn't understand that
Inktzwart
it was mostly the archetype though (am genderfluid) like i also had this with pippi longstocking so it wasn't really that he was a guy, it's just genuinely that my child self looked at him and went "wow that is me" and y'know what, i was right
Inktzwart
yes sorry still on my peter pan rambles (wifi died yesterday while watching) - the older i get the more i realize i'm so not wendy like i LOVE her she's amazing but i'm so peter lmaoooo i can't relate to anything wendy does (aside from maybe this movie's version wherein she just runs off and becomes a pirate out of spite, and i do tell stories, obviously, buuuut peter would also do all these things so it's not exactly distracting much from my point)
Inktzwart
and then still being INFURIATED that wendy has other loves (whether familial or romantic) lMAOOOO yeah sounds like me rejecting someone and then being mad they have a boyfriend that's "too boring for them you need someone better but not me because i'm toxic but also you should date me but don't date me"
Inktzwart
sometimes i wonder why my internal monologue + anything i write takes on the language of a victorian lad but then i rewatch peter pan (2003) and remember
Inktzwart
"who be you to order me about, and call me 'girlie'?" is the girl that taught me how to speak english. can you really blame me for comparably tame "i am sure to be just as cunning as he i seek" or "something joyous has happened!" or "perfectly horrid" or "dreadful news" or whatever else i say
Inktzwart
it feels like the Right way of using english idk how to explain it. all lowercase tumblr speech also has its charm though
Inktzwart
"fear knows not my name" instead of "fear doesn't know my name" and "next to agnes even blood be pale" instead of "next to agnes even blood is pale" and that's only the book titles i have
Inktzwart
wait am i crazy or used there to be a time where you could comment just on the front page of a story without it being about a specific chapter on here??? like i remember there being comments on stories in general on here specifically without opening any chapters and i'm not sure whether this was actually a thing or if i was just 12 and remembered improperly
Inktzwart
i love talking i just can’t bear to be seen. i used to be really unashamed and im still not ashamed but i do feel claustrophobic
Inktzwart
like i went from complete strangers knowing everything about me to even my closest friends knowing nothing
Inktzwart
the people who know me on here probably have no idea what im talking about given that during this time period i was most active on either quotev or another account where nobody knew me but trust me bro it happened
Inktzwart
sometimes i have to just sit down and realize ive gone from a theatrical performer online who acted like they were already a celebrity in front of the grand total of 50 followers, to a completely incomprehensible hermit. it honestly doesn’t feel that good. my brain got fried badly if the extroversion went out of function honestly like what happened
Inktzwart
catbird “dying IS brave” siskin vs marcus “it’s really not” of bolsena
Inktzwart
‘Reaping’s day is always hard. Let’s at least talk about that. You’re shaking.’
‘Am not,’ I persisted stubbornly.
A humored snicker and a stare. ‘You are.’
‘If they pick me, I’ll run off so that they immediately shoot me in the head,’ I said.
Marcus sighed. ‘Catbird, if you get picked, you’re going to go in there with your head held high. You’re far too brave to kill yourself before even trying.’
‘Dying *is* brave.’
‘It’s really not.’
+
‘Alright, let’s see,’ Marcus began, ‘When you’re in the bloodbath, what do you do?’
‘I step off my plate during the countdown.’
Marcus made a dismissive error sound. ‘Wrong. Try again.’
and then she gets reaped at age 12