The passing of time depresses me, and I don't know what bothers me more, that I miss the way things used to be, or that the time I'm idolizing was a time in my life when I had issues and didn't fully appreciate what I had at the time. I suppose this is a part of growing up, but it's a very strange feeling to have. I never thought I would be one of those people who peaked in high school. I miss being more certain of my place in the world. Now that I'm an official adult, I don't have anything figured out and I hate that feeling. It reminds me of when I was young and everything in my personal life was chaotic. I keep thinking of Matthew Perry and how he died with so much unresolved and sometimes I'm afraid that's how I'll die, with so much undone. I am trying to be more authentic every day, so maybe eventually I won't be pretending to be somebody. I know Wattpad is a strange place to bring these feelings, but in a way it's cathartic to vent these things to people I don't know. Take this as a sign - do not feel bad about having hard times. Do not feel bad for not having everything figured out. I told someone once that I was disappointed in myself for not being further along in life. They said to me, "*Should* does not take into account your past." I've been thinking about that a lot recently. I've been thinking about my troubles with school and my writing and my mental illness. Some days it doesn't feel like anything is going to get better. But I've had that feeling before, and so far it has never been right. Things do get better. It's only a matter of time. I hope you're all doing okay, especially after the election and I know seasonal depression can hit really hard this time of year, especially with exams coming up. Keep going, guys. I'm proud of all of you.
