I miss my mom. I know she's still here, but is she really? All of the times she's almost died have felt like she's left even more each time. Despite still being alive, I struggle to grasp the sense of her here. She speaks to me when she needs me. Rarely does she contact me only because I'm her daughter who she's neglected. It's hard. When you spend the holidays with your grandmother and your uncle and cousins because your actual mother couldn't be bothered. It's hard when you wait for the text that will never come. Why is life so stupid.