However, things took a turn recently. The nerve trauma and chronic pain have escalated significantly. The pain isn’t just a lingering annoyance anymore; it’s intense and pervasive, affecting me every day. The nerve damage has caused deep, gnawing pain that feels like it’s centered around my vital organs—my heart, lungs, kidneys, and even my gut. There are times when the pain is so severe that it feels like it’s squeezing the life out of me. I sometimes struggle to breathe, and honestly, it scares the hell out of me. The fear that I might not be okay or that something worse could happen is always there.
Adding to this, my motor control has been compromised. Tasks that used to be second nature now feel like enormous challenges. My hands don’t always cooperate, and it’s frustrating and frightening to feel this loss of control over my own body. On top of that, my vision has started to deteriorate. My eyes throb constantly, and my vision is often blurry and unfocused. I’m worried that it might be getting worse, and the thought of potentially losing my sight is terrifying.
All of these issues have made it incredibly difficult to focus on writing, something I’m deeply passionate about. I’ve been wanting to get back to working on RDK and other projects, but my body isn’t cooperating. Writing requires concentration and energy—things that are in short supply for me right now.
