Simply Confused

Wow I kinda hate myself.
          Why was I like this? 
          My gosh 
          Ok I'm done now

My mum tells me I need to work out. She doesn't know I don't fall asleep till 3 in the morning because I'm working out to loose weight.

I can't feel happy anymore. 
          I don't remember what it's like.

I don't care if u don't care about me but pls let me know. I like u I want you to hold me like you do sometimes but idk if it's platonic. You put your arm Round me and put your head on my shoulder. You sat so close when there was so much room. You put your head on my lap and made me put my arms around you, and you fell asleep. I couldn't help but watch you sleep. You look so at peace so calm so present, when you woke up you just looked at me. Just stared into my eyes and didn't say anything. But what if it was fake? You needed someone and I just happened to be there. I should have stayed quiet. I should have stopped while I was ahead, but I don't want this to be fake. I don't need to date you I don't need to be with you all the time I just want it to be genuine. For you to be you and not worry. I want more moments with you. Like that one. 

Hate to bother u with my presents 
          But I'm talking now
          You can't tell me it's my fault
          That my dog got sick
          Or that my sister hurts
          I'm done being the nice guy
          The one that leaves when there's drama
          I'm tired if being happy all the time
          I'm not sry I bother u with my presents
          Deal with it
          Or realize u don't have to win every argument
          Cause sometimes
          ur wrong

Like there actually huge
          As big as my thighs
          Bigger then any of my friends calves 
          Like it's all muscle to so I can't get rid of it by working out
          There actually discusting 

I hate myself 
          mostly my calves
          

Ruined another friendship 

Now excuse me while I eat my Mac n' Cheese

Story time(rant): I never really ask for much but when I do it's bc I really want it. And there was this panda corn stuffed animal at a target in Boston and my mum said I couldn't get it cause I'm to old and that there's no place for it in the car. So we did not buy it and today we went to a target near us and there were 0 stuffed animals even close to that one I wanted. And I'm pissed. Like it's extremely childish and selfish and petty and stupid. And probably makes me souls like a spoiled dumbass brat. But I really don't give to rats ass's about that bc I want that stupid gigantic panda corn (panda unicorn)!